


Prey

by melblue



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Slash, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-26
Updated: 2011-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-20 17:58:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melblue/pseuds/melblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is there a stalker loose on Voyager?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These characters and Star Trek Voyager are not mine. I just borrowed them and am not writing for profit.
> 
> Warnings: There's some squicky bits with blood and some implied dub-cons sex. Also graphic descriptions of m/m sex.
> 
> Author's Note: Originally written in 2000.

**  
** _He moved stealthily through the halls of the ship, his Prey ever before him. He was careful, the hour was late and the halls empty, and it was important that his Prey not become aware of his presence. It was not the right Time._

_He hoped the Time would come soon. The need was growing upon him. Following his Prey, watching his prey, was no longer the complete satisfaction it had been in the past. He wanted more than this now._

_His Prey halted to speak to another; and he pressed himself against the wall around a corner and listened. He closed his eyes, hearing the soft voice of his Prey, the light laughing response to the words of the other. He licked his lips, still listening, and allowed his mind to imagine the moment that would soon come._

_The Knife was ready. He had found it in his quarters a week ago. That was how he had known the Time was coming. The Knife had been sent to him for a purpose._

_He had only handled the Knife once, before putting it in a special place. He had delighted in its feel; the feeling of anticipation handling it had given him had been... powerful. He imagined it in his hand now, the heavy weight of the carved, dark wood handle, the perfect balance of the long, gleaming blade. When he had found the Knife, he had run one finger gently along the edge and then sucked the blood from the cut made. Then, he'd hidden it away. He would not touch the Knife again until it was Time._

_The hallway was silent now and he realized his Prey had moved on. He no longer felt the need to follow and watch; he was content to remain against the wall, eyes closed._

_He wanted to imagine the moment, the moment when he would take the Knife again, and hold it against the skin of his Prey, pressing gently. A heavy burning sensation surged in his gut. He felt... aroused. He could feel his hot hardness pressing forward and then heard the soft hiss of his own breath escape through his clenched teeth._

_In the darkness behind his closed eyelids, the face of his Prey stared back at him. He concentrated on the features of the face; he was not yet ready to meet the expression of those eyes. Again he was holding the Knife, and feeling the exquisite pleasure as he traced the point along the lines of the tattoo that marked the face of his Prey. The black lines welled into red and he leaned forward, desperately licking and sucking, eager for the taste of his Prey's blood._

_The breath of his Prey came in strangled gasps now, and he could hear the fear, feel the fear as his Prey's body shuddered beneath him. His own breathing quickened. His grip on the Knife tightened. Soon, soon he would feel the ultimate ecstasy of his Prey's last breath expelled into his own mouth, as he slid the Knife slowly into its final resting place._

_He opened his eyes and let out a harsh sigh. At some time in the course of his vision, he had slumped to the floor and he now sat against the wall, his legs splayed in front of him. He blinked against the light in the hall and wondered what he should do now. He always felt this lethargy after he imagined taking his Prey._

_He stood swiftly, decision made. He would go and look at the Knife._

* * *

Commander Chakotay, First Officer of the Federation starship USS Voyager, strode along the corridor and entered the turbolift. It had been a long day; he felt tired, drained and all he wanted to do was get to his quarters and sleep.

As the turbolift began to move, he was relieved to find that the restless feeling he had been experiencing as he walked from the Mess Hall began to fade. He frowned to himself; this feeling had been growing on him lately. It had started as a slight sensation of boredom, Voyager was currently travelling through a sparsely inhabited region of the Delta Quadrant, and any inhabited planets they did come across usually contained primitive societies. The situation increased the sense of isolation that every crewmember of Voyager suffered from at times. He knew the tension level of the ship had risen dramatically in the last few weeks, and Neelix, their self-appointed morale officer, was in his element, busily arranging event after event to keep the crew settled. Chakotay smiled to himself as he exited the turbolift; he'd never thought he'd be so thankful for the little Talaxian's presence.

Chakotay entered his quarters and asked for lights. The restlessness he had felt earlier hadn't quite faded completely and, as tired as he was, he didn't want to sleep yet. He went to the replicator, ordered a blend of tea, and sipping the hot brew, sat down on his couch. He sighed; he really just wanted to think about nothing for a while, enjoy a completely blank mind, but he knew it would be impossible. He contemplated trying to meditate and shook his head. He was just too tired.

He leaned his head back against the couch and sighed. Something was nagging at him, something about that feeling he kept experiencing, and immediately his mind began to analyse. Yes, it had started as boredom, yes he was restless but there was something else, somehow he felt... nervous. He sat up again, sipped at his tea and then glared at the wall. Nervous. Why would he feel nervous?

Voyager's current situation was monotonous, yes, but hardly anything to feel nervous about. Perhaps he was over analysing. He sipped his tea and then shook his head, trying to clear his mind. No. Somehow, he knew he was on the right track. He did feel nervous, but not about the ship; this was a more personal feeling. There was a familiarity about this feeling, he had experienced it at times throughout his life, both in Starfleet and the Maquis, and those times were when he had been in some sort of personal danger.

He stood swiftly and began to pace the room. This was ridiculous! What danger could he possibly be in on his own ship, with his own crew, for Gods sake! He felt angry with himself, for allowing the current tedium of their journey to prey on his mind in this fashion, and for allowing it to induce this sort of paranoia in him. The best thing for him to do was just forget this stupidity, and get some obviously much needed sleep.

As Chakotay prepared himself for bed, he tried to ignore the thoughts that swirled in his mind, but he couldn't. He grimaced as he lay back on his bed, and asked for lights out. He needed a distraction. He closed his eyes and stretched luxuriously, trying to relax his body. Chakotay knew he had the perfect distraction waiting for him in his mind and smiled to himself in languorous anticipation. He ran his hands down his body, and sighed in pleasure as his mind began to play through his favourite fantasy.

* * *

Lieutenant Tom Paris, Chief Pilot of the Federation starship USS Voyager, leaned back against the leather seat of the 20th century car he was sitting in, and gazed up at the stars twinkling in the Martian sky. Soft, romantic music wafted from the radio and settled into his soul, filling him with a delicious melancholy.

He hadn't used this program in a long time. Once it had been a favourite, used with great success in his chase for love. He smirked to himself, and rolled his head to look at the passenger seat next to him. He felt certain that he had never run this program alone before.

The chase had ended for him years ago. He had found his love only a few months after Voyager's forced journey in the Delta Quadrant began. Found it, but not claimed it. Would he ever claim it? Tom didn't know if he would ever have the courage, or the sheer audacity. For he had chosen the person most impossible to claim he could ever have thought of. He sighed loudly (there was no one to hear after all); sometimes he seriously doubted his sanity.

He could list a hundred reasons that had made him fall in love with Chakotay. He could list a thousand reasons why Chakotay would never fall in love with him, Tom, but predominately there was the fact that Chakotay disliked him, didn't trust him. Sure, they'd negotiated a truce in the last year or so, but that was as far as it went.

Tom leaned forward and snapped off the radio. Most of the time he didn't let the situation get to him too much. He had good friends on Voyager now after all, Harry, B'Elanna, the members of his flight team, and a few others. They were now the family that, in a way, he'd never had. He loved them.

However, at times like this, when the journey went through a slow patch and everyone had too much time to think, he would realize how alone he truly felt. At these times, his desire soared and all he could think about was making love to the Commander, running his hands and his lips over that delicious, velvet skin. Tasting, teasing, torturing that firm body until it writhed in ecstasy beneath him.

Tom shivered and closed his eyes. He'd come here to compose himself, to once again reinforce in his mind how futile it was for him to love Chakotay. Instead he found himself indulging in fantasy. He smirked to himself again; there was nothing wrong with fantasies after all, especially if they involved the sexiest guy in the Delta Quadrant. His smirk became a grin; okay... the universe.

The holodeck doors hissed open and he turned his head to see Harry emerge onto the red landscape, and then pause to look around.

"Hi Tom." Harry smiled and clambered into the car next to him. "So it's parking on Mars. I didn't think you still had this program. Mind if I join you?"

"As long as you don't expect me to kiss you."

"Ha! You should be so lucky."

"Oh Harry, that's not what I hear from Megan Delaney."

Harry turned and glared at Tom in mock anger. "At least I'm kissing somebody."

"Touché, Harry, touché."

They sat in companionable silence for a while, gazing at the stars. Then Harry sighed. "You know, I always found Mars pretty boring."

Tom surveyed the scenery surrounding the car. "You're right Harry. I guess I never really looked before."

"Hmph!" Harry snorted, and then turned in his seat to face Tom. "Hey, so are you going to Corella's birthday party tomorrow night?"

"I wouldn't miss it. Besides Neelix wouldn't _let_ me miss it. He's only reminded me twenty times today! As if I'd forget Corella's birthday."

Ensign Corella Azar was one of Tom's favourite people on Voyager. She came from a race in the Alpha Quadrant known as Vendarans. Vendarans were amongst the first members of the Federation, and were a peaceful and intelligent race, known to have telepathic abilities, though nowhere near as advanced as Vulcans. Corella was slight and dark with the unusual pale green eyes of her race, and her nature was generous and wise, though at times she could seem cold. She was also a brilliant pilot, second only to Tom, and as such was his back up for Alpha shift as well as running Beta shift. She had helped Tom out of many a scrape and he sometimes wondered what his life on Voyager would be like without her.

Tom turned in his seat to look at Harry who was regarding him thoughtfully. "What?"

"Does she still have that crush on you?"

Tom shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The only thing that had ever embarrassed him about his friendship with Corella, had been the realization of her feelings for him, and his own inability to return them.

"Well ... no, I don't think so."

"Did you talk to her?" Harry persisted. God, he hated Harry's persistence sometimes, even though it was this quality that had ensured their friendship.

"Yeah, I did," he answered softly, looking down at his hands. "She took it well. Said she understood and so... we're still friends, thank God."

"Maybe she'd figured it out already."

Tom's eyes were sharp as he glanced at Harry, who was still staring at him steadily. "Figured out what?"

"How you feel about Chakotay, of course."

Tom's heart stopped beating for at least 30 seconds, and he was sure his face must have been drained of blood. Harry reached out a hand and gripped his arm.

"Hey, Tom, it's all right," he said softly. "It's not like it's all over the ship or anything. I just noticed ... that's all. I have to say, I've been wondering why you haven't done anything about it." He shook his head. "That's not like you at all."

Tom finally exhaled in an explosive hiss. "Christ Harry, and what is it exactly, that I should do? Approach a guy who hates me? Contrary to some opinions round here, I've never been that fond of having my face smashed in!"

"He doesn't hate you, Tom!"

"Okay, okay, he barely tolerates me then."

The expression in Harry's dark eyes was wistfully sad and his grip on Tom's arm tightened. "Tom, are you so full of your own self pity that you can't see what's right in front of you?"

Tom's heart seized again and he found himself struggling to speak. "What... what are you talking about, Harry?"

"I'm talking about Chakotay, of course. I can't believe you really think he dislikes you. I've seen the way he looks at you sometimes, and believe me, there's no way that he's even indifferent towards you, let alone disliking you."

Tom stared with disbelief into Harry's eyes. "You can't be serious."

Harry sighed in frustration and ran his hands through his hair. "For God's sake Tom, I wouldn't joke about something I know means so much to you. As soon as I realized how you felt, I started to watch Chakotay when you were around. It didn't take me long to figure out that he's attracted to you." He held up a hand as Tom opened his mouth to interrupt. "I know that attraction may not be as strong as the feelings you have, but it **_is_ ** somewhere to start."

Tom sat for a moment in silence, thinking over what Harry had just told him. Then he looked up at his friend and the smile that crossed his face was radiant. "Thanks Harry. You must think I'm a real idiot."

Harry smiled back. "No more than usual." After another moment of silence he asked, "So what are you going to do about this, now?"

"Well... I guess I'll have to let him know that I'm interested."

"Tomorrow night at the party would be a good time to start."

Tom grinned at Harry and got out of the car. "Jeez, you sure are pushy these days Harry."

Harry laughed as he followed Tom out of the holodeck. "I'll do anything to not have to sit in this program with you."

"Touché, Harry, touché."


	2. Chapter 2

_His Prey looked good. He liked it when his Prey wore civilian clothes, and tonight his Prey had made a fine choice. When the Time came he hoped his Prey would be dressed as he was now, all in black._

_This had been a frustrating day, he had not been close to his Prey at any time and he'd had no opportunity to look at the Knife. He watched his Prey wait for the turbolift and began to feel calmer. It was becoming more difficult to control his impatience. He... desired so much, he... needed to take his Prey... soon._

_His Prey suddenly looked over his shoulder and he saw anxiety in the dark eyes. He stepped back swiftly and felt relief that his Prey had not seen him. He sensed his Prey's nervousness, could even smell it in the air._

_He would have to be more careful._

* * *

Chakotay exited the turbolift and walked slowly along the hall to Holodeck 1. He was angry with himself. He'd experienced the nervous feeling again, and then found himself glancing over his shoulder to check that no one was following him. Of course there had been no one in sight.

He paused outside the holodeck doors, not yet ready to face the crowd on the other side. He frowned. Was this dull area of space inducing paranoid delusions in him, or was it possible that something was really wrong?

"Is there a problem with the door, Commander?"

The voice came from behind him and Chakotay spun on the spot to find himself face to face with Tuvok. The Vulcan's brow rose at the startled expression on Chakotay's face.

"Commander?"

"What? No, of course not," Chakotay attempted to stifle his irritation and knew he was not completely successful.

Tuvok's eyes held his gaze and Chakotay was struck anew at the way an indifferent expression could also seem so cold.

"Sorry to get in your way." Chakotay stepped back to allow Tuvok entrance to the holodeck.

The Vulcan's gaze still held his and Tuvok frowned slightly. "Commander, is something wrong?"

"No," Chakotay answered abruptly. He waved a hand at the doors. "Let's just go in, shall we?"

"Very well." Tuvok stepped through the doors with Chakotay at his heels.

The holodeck was already crowded and noisy. Chakotay hadn't seen the resort program this full of people in a long time. He spotted Neelix by the bar and made his way over to grab a beer, and then headed for the group surrounding Ensign Azar, to wish her a happy birthday.

After speaking with the Ensign for a few moments, he drifted around the resort aimlessly, occasionally stopping to speak to someone. He felt restless and on edge, and couldn't seem to settle into a conversation with anyone. Eventually he found himself a dim corner, leant against the wall, and watched the crowd flow around him.

It was comforting, somehow, watching these people whom he saw everyday, talking and laughing. He smiled to himself; he felt a kinship with these people he had never felt before, not even in the Maquis. He wondered about that, both groups had been fighting for the same cause after all, each fighting for their home. Perhaps he felt this way because Voyager's struggle was predominately one of peace, whereas the Maquis had been forced to use violence and sometimes doubtful means to achieve their goals.

He felt eyes upon him, and glanced swiftly around the room until he found Tuvok watching him intently. The Vulcan was standing near the Captain, and Chakotay frowned to himself. _Damn,_ he thought, _the last thing I need is Tuvok bending the Captain's ear about me._ He smiled widely at Tuvok and grinned even further when he saw the Vulcan blink and swiftly look away.

Chakotay continued scanning the crowd, enjoying this moment of solitude. He was beginning to feel relaxed and soon he would start to mingle with the crowd, but first he wanted to check out exactly who was there. He knew, deep down that he was looking for one person, someone he enjoyed watching immensely, and then he finally saw the blonde head moving through the resort. As usual, the sight of Tom Paris made Chakotay's breath catch in his throat.

* * *

Tom wove his way through Voyager's crew until he reached the group surrounding Corella. He found himself standing beside Harry and grinned when he noticed the other man looking him over.

"Wow," Harry enthused softly. "I see you've decided that tonight's the night. You look great."

"Thanks Harry," Tom replied, equally quietly. He was pleased with the way he looked, himself. He knew the slim-fitting black pants made his long legs look elegant and he liked the way the loose, pale green shirt made his eyes glow. "You better be right about this, though, or I could be spending the next seventy years in the brig."

"Well, well, so the great Tom Paris is actually nervous, is he?"

"Shut up, Harry."

Tom moved forward to stand beside Corella and gave her a swift kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Happy birthday, sweetheart. Let me get you a drink."

Corella turned and beamed at Tom. "Tom, you're here." Her eyes widened as she took in his outfit. "Oh boy, someone's going to get lucky tonight." She twinkled at him mischievously.

"Corella!" Pablo Baytart flushed slightly as he looked at Tom. "Sorry Tom, I think she's already had enough to drink somehow."

"I don't mind, Pablo," Tom glanced down and noticed Pablo's hand entwined with Corella's. "I don't think I'm the only one here getting lucky."

Pablo grinned happily and then turned to continue his conversation with Chell. Tom turned back to Corella and laughed.

"So Corella, when did this happen and why didn't you tell me?"

Tom was delighted to see Corella blush faintly before she answered. Sometimes, he had to admit, it annoyed him that she was usually so composed.

"Umm... well, about a week ago, and we just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little while. You know what the gossip on this ship is like."

"Yeah, I sure do." He smiled at her again, and then asked softly, "So you're happy, right?"

Corella's eyes were dreamy as she answered, "Oh, Yeah."

At that moment Harry came over and handed them both a drink. "Here you go."

Corella took her drink and then grinned at Harry. "So Harry, do you think that Tom's being dressed to kill finally means he's going to make a move."

Tom started and eyed Corella narrowly. "Would you two back off?"

Harry ignored him completely. "Yeah, but why he's still hanging here with us, I don't know."

Tom glared at them both. "Neither do I. You two are getting as pushy as B'Elanna."

"Hey! I heard that."

Tom found himself facing an indignant half-Klingon and sighed loudly, "I give up."

"Good, now go off and do your thing."

Tom grimaced at them, but moved away from the group. Their bantering had only succeeded in making him more nervous and he needed to find a quiet spot to loiter in and get his thoughts together. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach at the thought of what he was about to do. The fact that he was just as nervous at a successful outcome as he was about an embarrassing failure certainly didn't help matters. Even if Harry was right about Chakotay's attraction to him, he was still afraid of the strength of his own feelings. Afraid that he wanted more from the Commander than the other man would be willing to give. However, somehow Harry's pushing had created in Tom an urgency to act. Even with his fears, he was ready to take the risk.

Finally, his eyes searched the room until he found whom he was looking for, leaning against the wall in a dim corner. He felt the muscles in his body tense and his confidence surge, when he saw the heat in the dark eyes staring right back at him.

* * *

Chakotay had watched Tom talking with his friends, and then continued to observe as Tom had moved away and found a spot near a pillar. He could see that something was on Tom's mind, and he found himself hoping that it was himself. Chakotay was well aware of Tom's attraction to him, as he was just as aware of his own for Tom, but he'd decided long ago that any positive action would have to come from Tom. He simply couldn't reconcile within himself the appropriateness of the First Officer making a pass at a junior officer, so he'd bided his time, waiting for Tom to make a move. When those blue eyes finally met his across the room, he knew that a move was exactly what Tom was going to make.

Well, a little encouragement never hurt and Chakotay was a master at encouragement. The slow smile he directed at the other man was a vision of lazy sensuality, calculated to have Tom moving in his direction within thirty seconds. It was good to see he hadn't lost his touch, he thought as his eyes never left Tom.

Twenty seconds later, Tom was at his side, handing him another beer. "Hello Commander," he breathed. "Having an enjoyable evening?"

Oh no, it wasn't going to be _that_ easy. "Maybe."

Tom's eyes burned into his, and he wondered if B'Elanna was aware that part of the warp core was wandering around in the holodeck. He was having trouble keeping track of his thoughts. Maybe it _was_ going to be that easy.

"Good evening, gentlemen." Chakotay started slightly at the sound of the Captain's voice and saw the amused look in Tom's eyes before the pilot turned to answer her.

"Hello Captain. Are _you_ having an enjoyable evening?"

"Yes, thank you Tom, I certainly am." Her eyes sparkled at them both and somehow Chakotay just knew that she realized exactly what she was interrupting. "So how did the flight sims on the holodeck go today, Tom?"

_Oh, well done, Kathryn,_ Chakotay thought as he listened to Tom reporting on his team's performance that day. He sipped his beer and waited until he heard her say ' _Good night_ ' and move on. Then, after a moment, he turned back to Tom and felt his stomach flip when he found Tom's gaze riveted to the part of his chest exposed by the unbuttoned top of his black, silk shirt.

Chakotay felt himself starting to overheat. He wondered how the situation had gone so far so quickly; all he wanted to do now was drag Tom to the nearest bed. He moved closer, until his shoulder was resting against Tom's chest and he could feel the heat of the other man through his shirt. Tom shivered slightly and met his eyes again, and Chakotay knew the undisguised lust in Tom's expression was mirrored in his own eyes.

"Tom, do you want to go somewhere more private?" Chakotay asked softly, and he snuck a hand around to rest against the back of Tom's thigh. "Or is this too fast?"

Tom smiled. "Your quarters or mine?"

"I guess it's not too fast. Yours."

Tom straightened up and drained his beer. "Let's go then."

* * *

Tom felt his frustration grow when he found himself in the turbolift with Chakotay and a couple of crewmen from engineering. He wanted to get his hands on the Commander _now_. They stood together at the back of the lift and Tom was startled when he felt Chakotay's hand resting on his butt. He felt a bit light-headed and his heart was starting to race. The situation seemed surreal; he couldn't believe that this moment had come, that they were on his way to his quarters, where they were finally going to... his mind reeled as various visions danced before his eyes and he heard himself gasp.

Chakotay's hand tightened on his butt cheek, and he took heed of the warning and willed himself to calm down. He didn't want to blow it before it even began. He concentrated on the feel of Chakotay's hand on his ass, recognizing its possessiveness. He had never liked that sensation, but now he found himself thrilling at it. He _wanted_ to be possessed by this man. He wanted _this_ man to take him.

Just in time the lift doors opened and Chakotay strode forward out of the lift, Tom following in his wake. They stopped outside Tom's door, and as he keyed in the code, Tom took the opportunity to slip an arm around Chakotay's waist.

Then they were inside his quarters, in the dim light from the star field, and Chakotay was turning in Tom's arms and pressing him back against the wall, and already their lips had seared together. Tom moaned as he opened his mouth to the other man's and felt Chakotay's tongue push forward to meet his own. The kiss was long, and intense, and when they finally broke apart both men were gasping for breath.

Tom felt shell-shocked and closing his eyes, rested his head forward against Chakotay's forehead. He could feel the Commander's breath caressing his cheek, and his hands caressing his back. He sighed.

"I should have done this a long time ago," he whispered.

He felt Chakotay's lips brush against his cheek. "You know, you could have."

Tom's heart surged and he turned his head swiftly, diving hard onto the Commander's lips. He thrust his tongue into Chakotay's mouth and plundered with delicious abandonment. Chakotay's response was wholehearted, and at this rate, Tom didn't think he'd be able to stand upright much longer. He began to manoeuver Chakotay towards the bedroom.

It didn't take Chakotay long to figure out where they were headed, and he pulled his lips away from Tom's, grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed. He meant to push Tom onto the mattress, but Tom got there first, and Chakotay found himself sprawled on his back with Tom plastered on top of him. As he felt Tom's erection press into his own, he decided he didn't actually mind the position and began to undo the buttons on Tom's shirt.

Finally, he had the shirt off and the feel of Tom's skin was hot silk. He pushed his palms on Tom's chest and felt the muscles under his hands. Chakotay's cock was really straining now and he gripped Tom's ass and pulled him closer, grinding himself against the other man's erection.

The groan that erupted from Tom was explosive, and Chakotay took advantage of his distraction, to roll them over so Tom was trapped beneath him. Then he sat up and straddled Tom's waist, and the blue eyes locked on his, as Chakotay removed his own shirt. Tom's hands burned on his skin, as they caressed his chest. Then Tom swiftly moved forward and latched his lips onto Chakotay's left nipple. As Tom's tongue teased, Chakotay's head dropped back and this time the groan escaped from his own lips.

Chakotay ran his hands up Tom's back and into the soft, blonde hair. When he opened his eyes and looked down again, Tom was watching him. He smiled at the other man and, gripping his shoulders, pushed him gently back down to the bed, relishing the sensation of his chest sliding against Tom's as he settled on top of him. Chakotay rested his lips softly against Tom's and stared into his eyes. The pupils were heavily dilated, only a thin ring of blue around them, and Chakotay marvelled at the desire he saw in their depths. He brushed his lips against the mouth under his, waiting for Tom's surrender. Tonight, he wanted this man to be his, to belong to him. When the eyes he searched closed, he knew the moment had come and he deepened the kiss, and felt Tom melt in his arms.

As he'd gazed into those hot, dark eyes, Tom had felt instinctively Chakotay's need to dominate their first encounter. He'd remembered his own feelings earlier, and found it no hardship to accede to the Commander's desire. At this moment it was, in fact, his own. He closed his eyes, parted his lips and abandoned himself to Chakotay's passion.

They kissed deeply and roughly, as their lust grew, and eventually Tom realized that they had somehow become fully naked. He revelled in the Commander's body, so hard and so smooth and writhed in pleasure underneath it. Chakotay's burning lips were sliding over his neck, gliding and nibbling over his shoulders, and then he felt a tongue laving at his belly. Tom's hands gripped the Commander's dark head and his fingers spread through the thick hair. Soon now, Chakotay would slide down and... _Oh My God!_

Hot wetness, surrounded his cock as Chakotay engulfed his shaft in one quick motion. Tom groaned and bucked off the bed, but then Chakotay's hands gripped his hips, holding him in place, and the exquisite torture began. A velvet tongue caressed his balls and then slid along his shaft. Then soft lips surrounded the head of his cock and he felt the gentle scrape of teeth against the sensitive skin and almost screamed at the intense pleasure. Next, he was sucked strongly, while a firm hand gripped his balls and an errant finger trailed in the crack of his ass. Then just as he really thought he was going to explode, the mouth was removed and he found himself being savagely kissed again.

Chakotay was starting to lose himself in his lust. He had to take Tom soon, or it was going to be rough and he didn't want that, not the first time. He rolled his aching cock against Tom's hip and tore his lips away from that delicious mouth.

"Lube," he hissed, but Tom was already moving, stretching for the drawer in his bedside unit, and in less than five seconds Chakotay had the tube in his hand. He grabbed a pillow and flung it on the bed beside Tom. Then he sat up and rolled Tom over onto the pillow. The sight of Tom's gorgeous ass instilled a further sense of urgency in him, and he flipped open the tube and quickly coated his fingers with lube.

He ran a finger down Tom's crack and smoothly pushed a finger in his entrance. Tom shifted forward on the pillow allowing him better access. Chakotay glanced up and saw that Tom was resting his head sideways on the bed so he could look back. The glitter of the eyes watching him, flamed his need further and he pushed another finger into Tom, stretching the tight opening.

In a surprisingly short time, Tom was pushing against him and when he heard the soft voice begging him for more, Chakotay grabbed the lube again, and slathered a generous amount on his hard cock. He positioned himself between Tom's legs and then with one smooth push, and a low groan from Tom, he was in.

Oh God, the tightness and the heat, it was better than he could ever have imagined. Chakotay lay still for a moment savouring the sensation. Tom was panting underneath him; trying to push back even further, and Chakotay used the weight of his own body to hold the younger man in place. He wanted to hear that soft plea again, and it wasn't too long before he did.

"Please Chakotay," the whisper came. "Don't wait any longer, c'mon please."

A low moan escaped from Chakotay's lips as he began to rock gently back and forth. "Oh God, Tom... you feel so good."

Tom was whispering incoherently underneath him, a steady stream of sound out of which Chakotay could occasionally make out his own name. For some reason, this gave him a deep sense of satisfaction.

Now Chakotay rose onto his knees, pulling Tom up with him so that the younger man was also on his knees, his head resting on his arms on the bed. Chakotay sped up the pace, thrusting harder now and ran his hands possessively over the other man's back.

Suddenly, Chakotay realized he wanted to see Tom's face, and he pulled out, grinning at the other man's frustrated groan. He quickly rolled Tom over onto his back and pulled the long legs on to his shoulders. Before the younger man knew what had happened, Chakotay had plunged back into him and was pounding him into the mattress.

Chakotay gazed down into Tom's eyes, and the passion he saw in them fuelled his own. He knew he was going to come soon. He reached down and clasped Tom's hand, smearing it with the lube still covering his own, and then brought their joined hands to entwine Tom's shaft. Tom's eyes closed and he arched off the bed as Chakotay guided their hands in a rhythm matching his thrusts into Tom's beautiful body. Then he saw the ecstatic tension on the younger man's face as he came hard, spurting his seed over their hands and onto his own chest.

His own orgasm ripped through him, and he threw his head back and shuddered into the body beneath him. He felt Tom's hands running up his chest and settling on his throat, and he fell forward into Tom's arms as Tom's legs came off his shoulders to rest on the bed.

He lay heavily on Tom for a moment, recovering, and then toppled off to lie on his side next to the still heavily panting younger man.

"Gods Tom, that was better than I ever thought it would be." Chakotay was surprised to find himself feeling a little overwhelmed by what he'd just experienced.

Tom's head rolled to face him and Chakotay saw the happy smile on his face. "Are you telling me you've fantasized about me, Chakotay?"

Chakotay chuckled. "Well, I may be First Officer, but I am still human you know." He leaned forward and kissed those tantalizing lips.

"In that case," Tom replied when they broke apart, "I'll admit I've done some pretty heavy fantasizing of my own."

"Good." Chakotay kissed him again. "We'll have plenty of ideas to go on with, then."

Tom felt his heart swell with relief and happiness. At least he knew Chakotay wanted to be with him again, that this wasn't just a one-night thing. He gazed into the warm brown eyes and then saw the heavy lids drooping. He felt exhausted himself.

Chakotay got up and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a damp cloth, which he used to clean them both off. Tom lay on his back and stared at the ceiling as Chakotay disappeared into the bathroom again. He wondered nervously what would happen next. Would the Commander leave?

He sighed in contentment when Chakotay returned and pulling up the blankets, cuddled closer, taking Tom in his arms. Then he drifted into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_He had discovered a way to watch his Prey more closely. He had emerged from the shadows and now followed his Prey openly. This seemed, strangely, to be the best way to exercise more caution in the pursuit of his Prey._

_When surrounded by others, his Prey was more relaxed, less sensitive to danger. So, now he followed always amidst members of Voyager's crew. There was an intense exhilaration in being closer to his Prey than ever before._

_Though lately, he sensed something about his Prey that disturbed him. He no longer felt the complete possession of his Prey that he had previously known; no longer felt that his Prey was also waiting for the Time to come. It was as though his Prey had given some part of himself to another._

_The feeling angered him. He found that he had to check the Knife more often, and he craved to touch it, to feel it's delicious weight in his hand again._

_Still, his Prey would belong only to him, when the Time came._

* * *

Tom Paris sauntered into the Mess Hall, grabbed a tray and joined the food queue. A week had now passed since the night of Corella's birthday, the night his life had changed so dramatically.

He no longer felt insecue about Chakotay wanting to continue their relationship. While he still felt unsure about the nature of their association, he was certain that the Commander did want to be with him. They had spent most nights together since that first mind-blowing encounter, and the sex had continued to be... he smiled to himself... fantastic. Chakotay had also seemed to enjoy his company, and they had spent time together, in the holodeck or Tom's quarters, just talking and joking around. The fact that other crewmembers were beginning to notice their relationship made Tom feel even more secure. Surely Chakotay would not have allowed that if he wasn't, at least mildly, interested in something long term?

Tom frowned to himself as he dolloped brightly coloured blobs of slop on his tray. Still, there was something not quite right. He could sense that Chakotay was holding back from him, maybe didn't even trust him enough to commit. Every time he thought about this, it was like a steel band clenched around his heart and squeezing the life out of him.

Tom scanned the mess hall and spotted Harry and Corella sitting at a table near the view port. Great, Chakotay was in a meeting with the Captain, and he really didn't feel like being alone, so he headed over.

"Hi, mind if I join you?"

"Hey Tom, it's good to see you. You've been so busy lately," Corella's smile was wide and teasing.

"Yeah? Well, so have you," Tom was pleased to see a faint blush creep over her face. He noticed the distracted look on Harry's face and asked, "Waiting for B'Elanna? Where is she?"

Harry smiled. "Engineering, of course." He looked at Tom more closely and then asked with deliberate casualness, "So, how's it going?"

"Jeez Harry, don't try to be so subtle. Everything's fine."

Corella was also gazing at Tom. "It's just that you look a bit tense."

Tom took a mouthful of food and grimaced. "I usually am at meal times."

Harry laughed and pushed his own tray aside. "Tell me about it." Then his expression became more serious as he peered at Tom again. "Something is wrong, though. You've been so happy all week, and now you seem... " He lowered his voice, "Did you and Chakotay have a fight?"

Tom sighed and pushed his tray away. "No."

"Well, what's wrong, then?" Corella asked, concern shining in her eyes.

Tom sighed again in irritation. "Darn, you two sure know how to gang up on a guy!" It annoyed him that they could see through his defences so easily. The thing was, though, he really needed to talk to someone. "Ok, ok, I _am_ happy, really. This is more than I could ever have hoped for. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop me wanting more. It's just... well... I'm not sure what Chakotay wants."

Corella frowned. "Does that matter so much? Your relationship is just beginning, you're both finding out about each other, learning what makes the other tick. You know, the last week, everyone can see how much happier Chakotay is, and you as well. Maybe you should just let things progress naturally. Don't worry so much about the future, just enjoy the present."

Tom glanced over at Harry, who nodded. "I think she's dead right, Tom."

"I know, of course, you're right, but it's like he's holding back sometimes. And occasionally, he seems... distracted, like something's bothering him, and he won't tell me what."

Harry smiled reassuringly. "Tom, he _is_ the first officer, remember? He probably doesn't want to bore you with ship's business, and there might be stuff he can't tell you."

Tom nodded. "Yeah, but... " Now Tom thought of what was really bothering him and his words came out in a rush, "Do you know I haven't been to his quarters yet? He always comes to mine, or we go to the holodeck. It makes me feel like he doesn't really want me close, in his own space. I know he's a very private person..." He shook his head. "I don't understand. Is it that he doesn't trust me?"

Corella was frowning at him. "God no, Tom. Of course he trusts you." She paused for a moment. "It does seem a bit strange though. Has he given you any reason?"

"No, he..." he began when he was interrupted by Harry.

"Tom, have you done something you shouldn't have?"

Tom blinked and stared at Harry, who appeared to be staring at something over Tom's right shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

Harry's dark eyes met his. "It's just that, since you came in, Tuvok has been watching you. Don't turn around," he added as Tom shifted in his seat. "He's still staring."

"Maybe he's just thinking," Corella said to Harry. "You know, how sometimes when you're thinking and you find yourself staring at something."

Harry shook his head slightly. "No, he seems too focused for that."

"Is he still looking?" Tom asked.

"No, he's stopped now."

Tom stood up swiftly. He felt restless. He needed to get out of the room and go to someplace where he could think. "Well, I don't know what it was about. My record is squeaky clean at the moment. I'll catch you guys later."

"Tom, do you want to talk...?" Harry began, but Tom was already gone.

* * *

_The Knife was no longer enough. Looking at it was not the fulfilment it had been. Now he needed something extra. Something that came from his Prey, that he would have close to him when he could not be near his Prey._

_He stared unwaveringly at the stars streaking past his view port, trying to formulate a way of achieving this goal. An idea began to grow in his mind and he turned from the view port. He found himself, once again, gazing at the Knife._

_Perhaps the Knife would help him._

* * *

Chakotay sat at his desk in his office. He had finished reading the daily reports some time ago, but he needed to think. So, he remained in his office.

He knew he had a lot to think about. Firstly, he was so relieved that he had experienced less of those paranoid nervous moments he had been assailed with previously. The feeling still affected him occasionally but he was more able to put it down to the current boredom of Voyager's journey. Of course, he found himself grinning at the opposite wall; it could be that he was pleasantly distracted these days.

In fact, Chakotay had only one cause for irritation in the last few days, and the smile faded and a frown took its place as he contemplated it. Tuvok. It seemed that every time Chakotay turned around nowadays, he came face to face with the stoic Vulcan. Tuvok was not necessarily intrusive, they didn't actually talk that much, he just always seemed to be there. Watching Chakotay. He found it difficult to ask Tuvok about this, as the watching was done so covertly. Chakotay doubted he would have noticed if he hadn't already been feeling more alert than usual.

He shook his head to clear it. After all, he had more pleasant things to think about. For instance, Tom, his lover. Chakotay liked thinking of Tom as his lover. It was, of course, the truth, but it was also the most wonderful gift he'd ever had in his life. And the best thing was, he'd never expected it to be so good.

The past week had been simply, amazing. The time he had spent with Tom had only increased his physical desire, but as well as that, he'd gotten to know the other man in ways he'd never thought he would even want to. After all the time spent together, Chakotay was fast concluding that he was a very lucky man. Tom was special.

Even the argument they'd had two days ago, had somehow brought them closer. After a meeting with the Captain, Chakotay had found Tom, alone in an observation lounge, staring at the stars. He'd realized immediately that Tom was upset about something, and approached him with caution, not sure if he wanted to deal with any drama at this stage in their relationship.

Tom _had_ been upset, and in no uncertain terms he'd accused Chakotay of keeping him at a distance. For a moment, Chakotay's reaction had been to walk out and get away from Tom as quickly as possible. He didn't want to be with someone who was insecure and needy. He had to face enough emotional problems in his role as impromptu counsellor.

Something had stopped him, though. He'd looked into Tom's eyes, and what he'd seen there, had not been neediness. It had been love. After that, all he wanted to do was reassure Tom. Chakotay had always been a very private person. He knew that he found it difficult to let another person into his life. He'd suffered hurt and betrayal too many times in the past, and caution had become second nature to him. He explained to Tom, that as much as he wanted them to be together, the situation was new to him and he needed time to take down his defences.

The expression in Tom's eyes after Chakotay made his confession, had melted his heart and the next thing he knew they were locked together in a passionate embrace, which rapidly got out of hand. Chakotay had barely had the time to engage a privacy lock, before Tom was on his knees giving him the most mind-numbing blowjob Chakotay had ever experienced in his life.

Chakotay took a deep breath and cleared his mind of the erotic images that were flooding it. Yes, Tom _was_ special, and Chakotay's feelings about the man were becoming more profound everyday. Tom was crawling into his heart and making his home there, and Chakotay wanted it to stay that way.

He asked the computer for Tom's location and was informed he was in the mess hall. Good, he'd join his lover for dinner, then take him back to his quarters and have him for dessert.

* * *

Tom was in a heightened state of arousal and joy as he entered the turbolift with Chakotay. The Commander had joined him in the mess hall, dragged him to a table of their own and then proceeded to flirt outrageously with him. Tom had been unable to believe his eyes and ears, and he knew that Chakotay's enjoyment increased at Tom's confusion.

Next, Chakotay asked him to spend the night in his quarters, and as Tom gazed into those twinkling dark eyes, he knew that a barrier had come down. His heart sang.

All the way to Chakotay's quarters, the Commander continued his seduction and Tom was aflame with desire when they finally entered the living room. Before Tom could think, Chakotay had turned, pushed him against the wall and was devouring his mouth. Tom's response was enthusiastic and he moaned against Chakotay's lips. Chakotay growled and tightened his arms around Tom's waist, plunging his tongue harder into Tom's willing mouth.

Chakotay's lips left Tom's and he began to trail kisses down Tom's throat, pulling his turtleneck out of the way. Tom sighed and opened his eyes, gazing over Chakotay's shoulder into the dimly lit room. His eyes widened and his body stiffened at what he saw there.

Chakotay felt Tom freeze and lifted his head to stare with concern into Tom's shocked face. "What is it?"

Tom let out a quick breath. "Somehow, I always thought you'd be tidier than this."

Chakotay turned quickly and gasped at the sight that met his eyes. His quarters were totally trashed.


	4. Chapter 4

Tom stood in the middle of Chakotay's quarters and gazed in wonder about him. The devastation was complete. Even the furniture was in ruins. The usually indestructible Star Fleet couch was in shreds, the stuffing spilling out onto the floor. It looked like it had been slashed with an incredibly sharp knife. Ripped books and objects were strewn all over the floor, chairs were mangled together in a heap, and even the desk was overturned. The most astonishing thing was that the chaos only affected this room. The bedroom and bathroom were untouched.

Chakotay was standing near the view port, talking quietly with Tuvok and the Captain. Tom was relieved to see him looking his composed self. When Chakotay had first turned and seen the destruction in his quarters, Tom had been afraid for a moment that he was going to pass out. He'd staggered back into Tom's arms and Tom could see that his face had drained of color. In all the time he'd known Chakotay, Tom had never seen him so ... distraught. It had only lasted a moment, and then Chakotay was striding forward into the mess and comming for Tuvok. However, he did not speak again until Tuvok arrived.

Tuvok had immediately commed the Captain, and Tom had felt that maybe he should leave, but then Chakotay had glanced at him, and the expression in the other man's eyes told him he should stay. Now, he stood and waited while they talked.

He glanced around the room again, and when he looked back at them again, he discovered they had finished talking and were watching him. There was something unnerving about their expressions, and he wondered if he'd been talking to himself or something. He smiled at them nervously, as they moved towards him.

The Captain spoke first. "Tom, we have decided that, at the moment, what has happened here, should not become common knowledge on the ship. I trust that you will not talk about this with anyone."

Tom frowned as he answered. "Of course, Captain, but... is there something extra going on here that I don't know about?"

There was a moment of silence, and Tom glanced at Chakotay to find him staring at the floor.

"Commander, I think it would be best if you explained the situation to Mr. Paris," Tuvok spoke. "Now that your liaison with the Lieutenant is becoming obvious to other crew members, it would be wise to consider his own safety."

"My own safety?" Tom was incredulous. "What is going on here?"

Finally, Chakotay met his eyes. The frustration in his gaze was evident. "There may be nothing going on, Tom, but Tuvok is right, you should know what we think might be happening." He sighed and paused for a moment. "A few weeks ago, I began to feel as if someone was watching me. It was all very nebulous and vague, and I thought that it was some sort of slight paranoia brought on by boredom." His eyes scanned the wreckage in the room. "Now that this has happened, it seems I may have been right about someone stalking me. If that's true, then by association, you may also be in danger."

For a moment, Tom was speechless. This sort of behavior just didn't happen on Voyager. "Did you ever see anyone?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No, and neither has Tuvok."

Tom transferred his gaze to the Vulcan. "You felt this too?"

Tuvok's eyebrow rose. "' _Felt'_ is, of course, an inaccurate description. I noticed that Commander Chakotay was unsettled. Realizing that this was unusual behavior for the Commander, I began to observe him. I am certain that, at times, there **is** someone following the Commander, but I have been unsuccessful in any attempt to discover who this person is. I have also ' _kept my eye_ ' on you, Lieutenant, and at this time, I do not think you are a target."

"Tuvok," it was the Captain's voice, and Tom realized, with surprise, that she had remained silent throughout their conversation. "I think you should perform a DNA sweep of this room."

"I certainly shall, Captain," Tuvok replied. "However, unfortunately there will be DNA traces from the majority of the crew. At some time or other, most of the crew have been here on some type of business." He glanced at Chakotay, who nodded. "It will be hard to determine which traces should not be here, particularly in this... disorder."

The Captain was aghast. "Are you saying this ' _stalker'_ is a member of _my_ crew?"

Tuvok's habitual frown deepened. "I assure you, Captain, there are no stowaways on board Voyager."

Captain Janeway's eyes were like granite. "I want an explanation for this, Tuvok. I will not tolerate this sort of behavior on my ship."

"I will do my best, Captain. However, I am afraid that the investigation will have to be low-key, if we are to keep this quiet. It concerns me that the ' _stalker'_ has come out into the open like this. He, or she, is growing confident, and more dangerous. The danger to the Commander is real, and I will not be able to assign a security team to him."

"I wouldn't let you anyway," Tom could hear the anger in Chakotay's voice, and knew that he felt humiliated by the whole situation. He vowed to himself that _he_ would be the Commander's unofficial security team.

A thought struck Tom and he turned to the Captain. "You know, maybe we should talk to the Doctor. I know he's added some information on mental illness to his program, he might be able give us some insight on this person."

The Captain nodded. "A good idea, Tom. In fact, I'll go and speak to him now." She glanced at Tuvok. "You'd better get onto that sweep. I want a report in two hours, then I want the four of us to meet in my Ready room at 0700 hours." She grimaced at the mess surrounding her, and then laid a hand on Chakotay's arm. "I'm sorry about this, Chakotay. I'll discreetly arrange for some new furniture for you. The most important thing for you to do now, is go through all of this," she waved a hand, "and determine if anything is missing."

Chakotay smiled and nodded. "Yes, Captain. Thank you."

* * *

An hour later, Tuvok had left to analyze the readings from the DNA sweep, and Chakotay and Tom were on the floor, sifting through the debris. Tom was keeping a discreet eye on Chakotay. The Commander had not said much since Tuvok had left, and his face was grim. Finally, Tom reached out a hand and rested it on Chakotay's arm. The Commander stopped what he was doing and lifted his head, gazing into Tom's eyes.

"What?" Tom could hear the tenseness in Chakotay's voice.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Chakotay sighed and sat back on his heels. "What could I tell you? That I had a vague feeling someone was watching me? You would have thought I was going crazy." He paused for a moment, and the expression in his eyes as he looked into Tom's was enigmatic. "You know, I'll understand if you have second thoughts about us, now. I know you didn't expect to become embroiled in this sort of drama, to perhaps be in danger yourself. You _can_ leave if you want to."

Tom's grip on Chakotay's arm tightened. "Chakotay, don't be a complete idiot. You think I'd walk out on you when you're in trouble? Whatever our relationship was, I'd never do that." He paused for a moment, and felt that steel band around his heart again. "You're not trying to tell me that _you've_ had second thoughts, are you?"

Chakotay gazed into Tom's eyes for a long moment, and then Tom saw the expression in them change to warmth, and the Commander shook his head. "No," he said softly. "I'm not having second thoughts. And I'm glad you're here."

The relief Tom felt went straight to his head, making him feel slightly euphoric. His smile was dazzling. "Good," he replied. "And you know, it's always possible this is some sort of elaborate practical joke. A very sick one, of course."

Chakotay's eyes swept over the mess surrounding them, and focused on the shredded couch. "It doesn't feel like a joke."

Tom leaned forward and rested his hand against Chakotay's cheek, bringing the Commander's face around to meet his eyes. "You're right, it doesn't." Then he leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across Chakotay's. He felt the other man's lips part slightly and leaned forward again, to deepen the kiss. He plundered Chakotay's mouth until he felt the tension slip out of his body and he relaxed in Tom's arms. When Tom finally lifted his head, both men were panting slightly.

"You know what I think?" Tom asked, as he stared down into Chakotay's dilated eyes.

"What?"

"I think we should go to bed. It's getting late and now we have that meeting before our shift begins."

Chakotay's dimples flashed and he got to his feet, pulling Tom with him. "Let's go, then."

"Jeez, don't drag my arm off!" Tom complained, laughing as they made their way to the bedroom. In his heart, he was thrilled at Chakotay's eagerness.

They landed on the bed together, and Tom rolled so that he was lying on top of Chakotay, and plastered his lips onto the Commander's once more. The kiss was fiery hot, and soon Chakotay was moaning into Tom's mouth and running his hands over his body, trying to tear at his uniform. Suddenly Chakotay pushed at Tom, and his voice was rough as he suggested they both get out of these ' _damn clothes_ '.

That act accomplished, after a few side trips into other activities, they found themselves on the bed again. Tom embarked on an oral examination of Chakotay's body, which had the Commander writhing sinuously all over the mattress. Eventually he made his way back up to Chakotay's lips and the Commander kissed him fiercely.

"Tom," Chakotay's voice breathed in his ear. "I want you. I want you to fuck me."

Tom couldn't believe his ears. This was something he had begun to think would never happen; that Chakotay would ever give himself to Tom like this. His arms tightened around his lover and he nuzzled his lips against his shoulder.

He cleared his throat. "I want that too, Chakotay."

He sat up and Chakotay reached across to the unit beside the bed, and then handed some lube to Tom. Then he rolled over, and Tom was confronted with a sight that made his cock stiffen even more than he had thought possible. He groaned aloud, and saw Chakotay turn his head to grin at him.

"C'mon Tom," he laughed. "Get a move on."

Tom grinned back. "Oh you're asking for it now, Chakotay."

Chakotay's smile was impudent. "I hope you can keep that promise, Lieutenant. I'd hate to see you in the brig."

Tom flicked a finger at Chakotay's butt cheek and snickered when the Commander wriggled. "On your knees, Commander."

"Oh yes sir, Lieutenant," Chakotay simpered as he rose to his hands and knees.

Tom froze for a moment in surprise, and then he burst into laughter. He flicked open the lube, slicked up his fingers and slid one into Chakotay's entrance. He leaned forward and breathed into Chakotay's ear. "Time to get serious now, don't you think lover?"

Chakotay gasped as a second finger joined the first. "Oh yes, definitely."

Tom rotated his fingers inside Chakotay and with his other hand lubricated his own rock hard erection. "Good." He felt Chakotay pushing against his fingers. "You ready?"

Chakotay could tell by Tom's voice that his lover meant business, and he found himself shivering in anticipation at what was to come. He'd wanted Tom to take control, and it excited him how quickly his lover had responded. He didn't care if he was completely ready or not; he needed Tom now.

"Yes" he rasped.

He felt Tom position himself behind him and then felt the blunt head of Tom's cock, pushing into him. There was a burning sensation, as he felt himself stretching to accommodate Tom's thickness, and then the head popped through and he felt Tom pushing further inside, until he felt Tom's balls, resting against his own.

The feeling was... sensational, and when Tom began to move it got even more intense. His lover started slowly, and then set up a punishing rhythm, pounding into Chakotay, pushing them forward along the bed, until Chakotay's head bumped against the wall and he flung out his hands on the wall to steady himself. Chakotay reveled in every moment, grinding himself back against Tom, urging him to go faster, harder.

Tom was only too happy to oblige. He felt instinctively that Chakotay needed this, needed to lose himself in a fast, hard fuck. He could see the appeal himself. He reached his hand under Chakotay and gripped his cock in a firm hold. He felt it throb in his hand, and when he began to pump it roughly, the groan that erupted from Chakotay was harsh and loud. He only needed to stroke a few times before he felt Chakotay shudder beneath him, and the Commander's hot seed spilled over his hand, burning against his skin.

A few moments later, he was shuddering himself as his own seed spurted deep inside Chakotay. Then they collapsed onto the bed, in a boneless heap of satiated flesh. After a while Tom felt Chakotay moving beneath him, and he rolled off the Commander and came to rest at his side. Chakotay turned to face him, looked into his eyes and then leaned forward, kissing him soundly.

"Thank you, Tom. That was... wonderful," he said against Tom's lips, and continued to kiss him firmly.

Tom was trembling, and Chakotay wrapped his arms around him and held him close. "Any time," he mumbled into Chakotay's chest.

They lay like that for a while, not talking, just enjoying the afterglow. Neither of them had any idea of when the other finally went to sleep.

* * *

Chakotay woke early, and glanced at the chronometer. 0500 hours. He grimaced as he realized the extent of the mess on his stomach and chest. He gently disentangled himself from the softly, snoring man beside him and went to the bathroom to clean up.

He didn't feel like going back to sleep, so he donned his robe, and wandered out to gaze at the catastrophe that was his living room. The mess was still impressive, though they had managed to clear a large part of the floor last night. He felt the rush of anger again, at the situation he found himself in. Who, on Voyager, would do this to him? It was frightening to think that someone on the ship was this mentally ill, and they couldn't see who it was.

He shook his head. He needed to calm down, meditating for a while would probably be a good idea. Or better yet, a vision quest might give him some insight.

He scanned the room, hoping to see his medicine bundle without having to root about in the debris. No such luck. He sighed, and committed himself to an extensive search.

Half an hour later, Chakotay sat on the floor and rested his head in his hands. He had searched every section of the room thoroughly and now had to resign himself to the fact that his medicine bundle was gone.

His anger returned in force, and the worst thing was, there was nothing he could do about it.


	5. Chapter 5

At 0700 hours, Tom and Chakotay entered the Captain's Ready Room and found Tuvok and the Doctor already there with the Captain. Tom was again concerned about Chakotay. Since informing him that his medicine bundle was missing, the Commander had retreated into silence yet again. Tom was beginning to recognize that while, as a counsellor, Chakotay advocated talking about problems, when it came to his own, he had to be drawn out of himself in order to communicate.

The Captain offered them coffee, which Tom accepted, and Chakotay did not, and they settled down to business. Tuvok reported that the results of the DNA sweep had been pretty much as expected. Then the Captain looked at Chakotay and asked if he had discovered anything missing.

"My medicine bundle," Chakotay answered shortly.

"Your medicine bundle," the Captain repeated and she frowned. "That's a pretty personal item."

"More personal than my underwear, that's for sure."

Everyone in the room recognized the suppressed anger in Chakotay's voice, and Tuvok's eyebrow rose.

"Commander, I know it is difficult, but it would be wise to maintain a certain detachment. Your reaction could aggravate this situation. You will be giving encouragement to the ' _stalker'_."

"Thank you Tuvok, I'll keep that in mind."

Tom cringed inwardly at the tone of Chakotay's voice, and saw Tuvok's eyebrow rise even higher, while the Doctor looked on with fascinated interest.

The Captain was frowning. "Chakotay," her voice was soft and calming. "I'm sorry about the medicine bundle, but Tuvok is right. I'd rather you lose a personal item, than your ... well, I think you should be careful about giving this person _any_ incentive. That's what this person wants most, a reaction from you."

Chakotay sighed heavily. "Yes, Captain."

Tom decided it was best to get the focus off Chakotay. "So do we have _any_ idea who this person is?"

The Captain glanced at Tuvok, who shook his head and answered, "I'm afraid not, at this time."

The Captain spoke, "I still can't believe that it's a member of the crew. Even if the motive is not as severe as we think, breaking into someone's quarters, particularly the First Officer's, and destroying his belongings, is something I never thought I'd see on this ship."

Tom looked up hopefully. "Maybe there's some sort of alien influence on someone," he suggested.

The Doctor spoke up. "I thought of that already. Mr Tuvok and I performed a level 10-sensor sweep of the ship and crew earlier. We found no evidence of an alien presence. However, to be absolutely sure, I'd have to perform a proper examination of each crewmember, which is hardly conducive to a discreet investigation. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until you have a suspect."

"Doctor, can you give us any idea of what we can expect from this person next?" the Captain asked.

"Well, it's difficult...my program isn't really equipped to provide these sort of profiles. There are so many factors to consider. The nature of the obsession for instance, is it sexual, or jealousy, or even racial, or..."

The Captain held up a hand. "I get the idea, Doctor."

"Then, there is the motivation behind the obsession, what factors triggered it. Perhaps the Commander rejected this person in some way and..."

"Doctor, taking all these factors into consideration, do you have any idea what we can expect next?" the Captain asked again.

"Ah... no, not really. Mental illness can be hard to predict, you see. Particularly when you don't know what type you are dealing with."

"I see, thank you, Doctor," the Captain's voice was clipped.

"So what do we do, then?" Tom asked.

"At the moment, we wait and watch," Tuvok answered him. "The Commander will have to take some precautions to ensure his own safety. A high security privacy lock will need to be in place on his quarters at all times and being alone would not be advisable."

Chakotay, who had been studying his hands, looked up. "So now I have to have a nursemaid, do I?"

"Not nursemaids, Chakotay," it was the Captain who answered him. "Friends, who don't want to see anything happen to you."

Tom could see that Chakotay now felt ashamed of himself and he wanted desperately to reach across and take the Commander's hand.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I know you're all just trying to help." He glanced over at Tom and smiled. "Besides, having someone around won't be such a hardship."

Tom was stunned at Chakotay's revealing comment, and then felt like smirking when he saw the Captain's slight blush. He maintained his composure, however, and sat in a satisfied and happy daze as the Captain wrapped things up and dismissed them.

* * *

_He had touched the Knife, and now it was part of him, an extension of his soul. He had taken a risk, touching the Knife before it was Time, but now he was glad he had. His symbiosis with the Knife would give added meaning to the taking of his Prey. The Time, when it came, would transcend everything he had experienced in his life before._

_It had also been a risk to use the Knife in his Prey's quarters. He had gone there, to take something from his Prey, knowing beforehand what he would take. Luckily, he had found it in the main room. He was reluctant to enter the sleeping area of his Prey; this was an area off-limits until the Time came. He had stood in the doorway, for a long time, gazing at the bed. This was where he would take his Prey._

_Then he had remembered the Knife in his hand. He had brought it with him because he could not imagine being in this place without it. More importantly, there was something else he wanted to do here, and the Knife was here to help him do it. His Prey needed to be reminded of his claim. His Prey's distraction... irritated him. It was not right that his Prey should think of another. The Knife would help him to warn his Prey._

_Twenty minutes later he had looked around the main room in satisfaction. This destruction would be sufficient for his purpose. He glanced down at the Knife in his hand. It had worked well on the couch, but he was concerned that the rough fabric would have dulled its edge. He took the Knife home and sharpened it, cared for it._

_Since then, he had lovingly sharpened the Knife many times, enjoying his new relationship with it. On one rare occasion, he had even slept with it, gently clasping it in his hand, throughout the night._

_He also spent time with the item he had taken from his Prey. He had worked hard to find a way to protect it from the ship's sensors and the smug satisfaction he felt at fooling the others increased the items value all the more. Having the item gave him a sense of peace, quelling the often overwhelming need to take his Prey, giving him patience. He needed patience, at the moment. His warning to his Prey had alerted others to his intentions and it was harder now to watch his Prey. His Prey was rarely alone._

_However, the worry he sensed in his Prey and in some of the others, more than made up for this._

* * *

Two weeks had passed since the attack on Chakotay's quarters, and Tom once again found himself in the holodeck celebrating another crewmember's birthday. This time it was Sue Nicolletti and he could see her across the room with Harry, Corella and Vorik, talking enthusiastically.

Chakotay hadn't arrived yet. He was in a meeting with the Captain, and Tom knew that the Captain would escort Chakotay to the holodeck when they finished. It had been a difficult two weeks. Chakotay deeply resented his constant bodyguard, and had scared the hell out of them a couple of times by slipping away. He'd given up on this, when after disappearing for half an hour, Tom had found him alone in an observation lounge. Chakotay had turned as Tom walked through the door, and then paused as he took in the expression on Tom's face. Then he'd promised never to do it again.

They had spent a lot of time together in the last couple of weeks. Luckily, there was no feeling of this being forced upon them. In all honesty, they both knew they would have spent the time together anyway. The only time when they'd really been apart, had been when Chakotay had gone on a two-day away mission with Tuvok, to survey a moon. Tom was glad Chakotay had gone, the time spent not having to look over his shoulder all the time had done the Commander no end of good.

There had been no success finding Chakotay's medicine bundle. Tuvok had performed a covert search of the ship and had not found it. Even the sensor scan Tuvok had performed had not detected the bundle, and the Vulcan was still trying to figure out why. Tom could see that Chakotay felt slightly lost without his bundle, like a part of him was missing; and Tom's heart would ache whenever he saw Chakotay trying to meditate without it.

Even with all this stress, however, their relationship grew stronger, and now Tom could not imagine his life without Chakotay. It thrilled him and at the same time scared him, particularly with the current threat to his lover. He was sure though, that Chakotay felt the same way, even though he hadn't said anything. Tom had never been so happy in his life.

Tom shrugged himself out of his reverie, and glanced over at the birthday girl. Pablo Baytart, the Delaney twins and B'Elanna had now joined her as well and they waved at him to join them. He went to the bar, grabbed a couple of drinks, and headed over.

"What on earth were you doing skulking in that corner, Tom?" Corella asked as soon as he was close enough to hear.

Tom handed Sue a drink and wished her a ' _happy birthday_ ' before he replied. "Just thinking."

B'Elanna's hand gripped his shoulder painfully and she sniggered at him. "I suppose you don't get much time for thinking these days."

As the others laughed, Tom eyed B'Elanna speculatively and came to a decision. "Actually, B'El," he drawled. "I was thinking about you."

She sniggered again. "I don't think Chakotay would be too happy to hear that."

_Oh you think you're_ _so_ _clever, don't you?_ Tom thought. Then he spoke again. "I was wondering when you and Harry are going to stop pretending that he's going out with Megan, and come clean about your relationship."

There was instant, complete silence and everyone standing close to B'Elanna took a step back.

He heard Corella whisper, "Another suicide mission, Tom?" and was satisfied to see Harry's face turn the color of Neelix' famous beetroot mousse.

Then Megan Delaney's voice rippled through the room in delighted laughter. She leaned over and kissed Harry's flaming cheek. "There you go, darling, I think it's over. I told you we wouldn't be able to carry on for long. I still don't know why you both wanted to do it, anyway."

Surprisingly, B'Elanna still had not reacted. She stood beside Tom, hand gripping his shoulder and gazed at him with an indecipherable expression.

Finally she spoke. "Ok smart ass, when did you figure that out?"

He smiled mischievously. "I think it was the morning after the night you got together." He smirked. "You glowed, B'Elanna. There's only one explanation for that type of glow."

"And _you'd_ know that, wouldn't you?" Her eyes narrowed.

"B'Elanna," it was Harry's voice.

She removed her hand from Tom's shoulder and turned to Harry, smiling innocently. "What? I wasn't going to do anything. You know I wouldn't hurt _your_ best friend."

Harry gazed fondly at her. "Yeah, sure." His voice was dry.

When B'Elanna reached across and took his hand, raising it to her lips, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"I am curious, though," Vorik stated. "Why did you enact such an elaborate deception?"

"Well... " Harry replied. "Like Corella always says, you know the gossip on this ship."

"Besides," B'Elanna continued. "It was fun, all that sneaking around. It was meant to be a practical joke as well, except flyboy here," she glared at Tom, "blew it for us."

Tom smiled sweetly. "I'm _so_ sorry, B'El." Everyone laughed.

"Did we miss something important here?" The Captain's voice was amused, and then she pointed to Harry and B'Elanna's linked hands. "So you two finally let everyone in on the secret, did you?"

Harry groaned. "Not you as well?"

Captain Janeway laughed. "It is my ship, Ensign. Do you think I don't know what's happening on it?"

As everyone laughed again, Tom turned to find Chakotay standing beside him. His lover looked relaxed and his eyes were twinkling. When Chakotay's gorgeous brown eyes met his, Tom felt a spark of electricity travel straight to his groin.

Chakotay smiled at him. "You blew their cover, right?"

"B'El was annoying me. I couldn't let her get away with it."

Chakotay slipped his hand into Tom's. "Of course not."

Half an hour later, they were still in the holodeck. Chakotay was off, talking with some old Maquis friends and Tom was leaning against a wall, watching, with amusement, Tuvok's discreet, though protective hovering. He had learnt in the last couple of weeks, just how much the Vulcan valued the friendship of the First Officer.

"You seem so happy, Tom." Tom turned and found Corella leaning on the wall beside him. "There's something about this ship at the moment, everyone seems to be falling in love."

"I fell in love years ago, Corella," Tom answered.

Corella sighed dramatically. "Oh that's so romantic, Tom." She flinched as he thumped her on the arm. "Still, it's good to see the Commander falling in love."

Tom's heart came to a halt and then sped up. "You think that?"

She patted his arm. "Don't you? I'm slightly telepathic remember. While I can't read his mind, or yours, I am sensitive to certain... nuances. It's hard to explain. Just take my word for it."

Tom didn't know exactly what to say. "Okay, thanks."

"No, problem," she turned and gazed at him seriously. "There is something wrong though, isn't there? You both seem worried about something, actually the Captain, too."

_Damn,_ Tom thought, _gotta deflect this._ He thought for a moment and then answered. "Maybe, but that would be ship's business, Corella. I'd tell you if you needed to know."

She took the snub well. "Okay Tom, but if you ever need to talk about anything beside's ship's business, you know where to find me."

He nodded. "Thanks, I appreciate it." He noticed Chakotay heading in his direction. "I'll see you later, Corella. My own telepathy tells me that I'll be leaving in a moment."

She laughed and went to find Pablo.

* * *

_The desire was growing again. He would fondle the Knife, look at the medicine bundle, and still the desire would grow. It was frustrating. Would the Time never come?_

_His Prey was growing relaxed again. The Other was beginning to have too much influence over his Prey. He knew eventually he would have to deal with the Other, but there was a Time for that as well, and it had not yet arrived._

_Perhaps there was something he could do for his Prey, in the meantime._


	6. Chapter 6

"Well, Tom, I think I've finally talked B'Elanna into forgiving you." Harry thumped his friend on the back and took the seat opposite him, sliding his food tray along the table.

Tom gulped down his mouthful of pasta and coughed. "That's just great, Harry," he wheezed. "But you're the one trying to choke me to death."

Harry grinned. "Yeah, I didn't say _I'd_ forgiven you."

Tom took a sip of his tea. "C'mon, the whole thing was getting ridiculous, over a month of you two and Megan indulging in that bad play acting. I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Yeah sure, you just wanted the focus off you and Chakotay. You know you two have been the hot topic of gossip for the last few weeks."

Tom was silent for a minute. "So, what exactly has everyone been saying, anyway?"

Harry smiled. "Hey, you should be used to it by now." He gazed at Tom, and then realized he was waiting. "Oh okay, it's just been the usual romantic gossip, you know, speculation on how long you'll last, ' _sightings of fraternization_ ', that sort of thing." He laughed. "By the way, everyone knows about your little ' _adventure_ ' in the cargo bay."

Tom was mortified to feel himself blushing. "Damn, how did that ...? Jeez, Chakotay better not find out that everyone knows."

"Well, _I'm_ certainly not going to tell him."

Tom took another sip of his tea, and watched Harry eat for a while. "So has there been any other gossip, about Chakotay and I?"

Harry looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know... negative stuff." He saw Harry frown and quickly added. "I was a bit worried that it might not be popular with some of the crew, particularly the old Maquis members, you know?"

Harry's brow cleared. "I see. No, there hasn't been anything like that at all. In fact, I'd say the opposite. I think you're just being paranoid."

Tom was about to take issue with that statement, when his combadge chirped. "Janeway to Paris."

"Paris here."

"Please report to my ready room, Mr. Paris."

"On my way, Captain." Tom stood up and patted Harry on the shoulder. "See you later, Harry."

He passed Harry and then turned around and thumped him on the back. "By the way," he said, as Harry splattered food all over the table and burst into a fit of coughing. "Enjoy being the new hot topic of gossip."

Tom left the mess hall feeling satisfied. He didn't like it when Harry got above himself.

* * *

When Tom got to the ready room, he found Chakotay and Tuvok already there. The Captain waved him to a chair and then sat down herself.

"Well, gentlemen, it's been three weeks since the incident with Chakotay's quarters. I thought we should have a follow-up. Is there anything new to report?"

It was Chakotay who answered. "No, Captain. In fact I don't think I've even been followed. I'm inclined to think that it was a one-off incident."

Tom shifted in his seat and opened his mouth to speak, but the Captain held up her hand. "I know you would like this to be over and done with, Chakotay, but I think that's a bit premature."

"I have to agree, Captain," Tom couldn't help adding.

Chakotay glanced at him reproachfully, and then sighed. "Fine."

"I also agree with the Captain." Now Tuvok spoke. "The ' _stalker_ ' would have realized that we were aware of his presence and keeping a watch on you. It is only logical that he, or she, would keep a low profile under the circumstances. It is also reasonable to assume that taking your medicine bundle satisfied some need of the ' _stalker's_ '. However, that satisfaction would be temporary. I believe, that eventually the ' _stalker_ ' will feel the need to act again."

Chakotay got up and paced the room. "Great." He went over to the replicator. "Spiced apple tea."

Tom smiled to himself. He knew, now, that Chakotay always drank spiced apple tea when he was feeling bad tempered. He watched the Commander take the cup from the replicator, and then looked away to the Captain as she spoke.

"So, you've still made no progress in finding this person?"

"I'm afraid not, Captain." Tuvok replied.

"I've even discreetly checked the gossip mill," Tom offered. "Not a hint of anything."

"Well, I suggest..." the Captain began, and was interrupted by a vile choking noise.

Tom sprang to his feet and turned, to be confronted with the sight of his lover, on his hands and knees on the floor. The cup of tea was lying on the floor beside him, but from it issued a stream of dark red fluid, which spread rapidly into a large puddle on the floor. Tom watched in horror, as the same red fluid dribbled from Chakotay's lips and down his chin. Then the Commander began to retch, and a stream of the fluid gushed out of his mouth.

In a split second Tom had reached Chakotay's side and knelt beside him on the floor. He felt the stickiness under his hand, and lifted it staring at the red palm. "My god," he gasped. "It's blood."

Beside him Chakotay retched again, and Tom hit his combadge. "Medical emergency. Two for immediate transport to Sickbay."

* * *

Captain Janeway strode into sickbay and glanced around the room. It was empty, except for Tom and the Doctor standing beside the biobed, which contained the prone figure of her First Officer. She made her way over to the biobed and looked down at Chakotay. He appeared to be asleep, and there were no signs of blood.

"How badly is he injured?"

"Commander Chakotay has suffered no injury, Captain."

Captain Janeway stared at the Doctor in amazement. "Then what the hell happened? I saw him ... vomiting blood all over the place."

Tom met her eyes. "It wasn't his own blood, Captain. It was replicated blood. He swallowed it."

The Doctor continued, "He immediately regurgitated it. There was nothing for me to do for him except give him something for nausea, and clean him up. I gave him a sedative as well. He was quite distressed. However, I would like to know why members of the crew have taken to drinking blood. I would have thought digesting Mr. Neelix' culinary delights would have been bad enough."

The Captain glared at the Doctor. "It wasn't taken deliberately, believe me." She looked down at Chakotay and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Tuvok is investigating the replicator records, we realized it must have been something in the tea." She sighed and looked at Tom, who was staring down at the Commander. "This situation is getting out of hand."

"Yes," Tom answered. He felt exhausted, the panic he'd felt when he saw Chakotay choking on the blood had drained him completely, and he could think of nothing else to say. He felt the Captain's hand on his arm and looked at her.

"Nothing is going to happen to him, Tom." Her gaze was confident, and her voice firm.

Tom sighed. "Nothing more, you mean."

They both looked down again, as Chakotay stirred on the biobed.

"He's waking up," the Doctor reported. "I only gave him a very short term sedative."

Chakotay's eyes blinked open and then focused on Tom and the Captain. Before they could stop him he sat up. Then as he began to gag again, the Doctor pressed a hypo-spray to his neck.

"I'm giving you something more for the nausea," he explained.

"Thanks," Chakotay groaned, then he looked at the Captain and grimaced. "That was quite an experience. From now on, I look in every cup I drink out of."

"So it was in the cup?" the Captain asked.

"Yeah, I'd sure like to know when the replicator started interpreting 'spiced apple tea' as 'luke-warm blood'." Chakotay gagged slightly. "If you don't mind, I'd like to think about something else."

At that moment, the sickbay doors whooshed open, and they all turned to see Tuvok walk in.

"Any progress, Tuvok?" the Captain asked.

"Some, Captain," the Vulcan glanced at Chakotay. "You are well, Commander?"

"I'll live, Tuvok," Chakotay replied. "What did you find out?"

Tuvok turned to the Captain. "The replicators were programmed to dispense replicated blood whenever the Commander ordered a beverage."

"Were you able to trace who did the programming?"

"Only to the workstations used. The programming was accomplished in parts, over a period of a few days, at various workstations throughout the ship. I've checked the rosters, there was no one assigned to those stations at those particular times. There was also a time delay, even though the programming was completed yesterday, it only became effective about an hour ago."

"Clever little ' _stalker_ '," Tom's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Tuvok's eyes met his. "It is only logical to assume that we are dealing with an extremely intelligent individual."

Tom sneered. "Just not an extremely sane one."

"Tom," Chakotay held out a hand. "This isn't really helping."

Tom took the offered hand, and leaned on the biobed beside his lover. "I'm sorry, it's just so frustrating."

"It's frustrating for all of us, Tom," the Captain patted his arm. "All we can do is just act like it isn't." She turned again to Tuvok. "I assume you've removed this programming from the replicators?"

The Vulcan nodded. "Yes, Captain. I will also upgrade the security access to the replicators."

"You know, I think we'd better look at increasing security across the ship. I'm sick of tidying up after this ' _stalker_ '. Next time he tries anything, we catch the bastard, got it?"

The Vulcan's eyebrow rose. "Yes Captain, I get it."

* * *

_He stood at the view port and gazed at the stars. Yesterday his Prey had been taken to sickbay. He sighed; he would have thought that his Prey would have been more appreciative of his Gift. Still, when the Time came, they would share their blood, and then his Prey would treasure it, just as he did. After that, they would share his Prey's final breath._

_The anticipation was rising in him; he could feel the thrills and tremors passing through his body. The Time was coming. Everything was ready. He was ready. There was only one thing left to do, and the Time had come to do it._

_It was Time to clear the path to his Prey._


	7. Chapter 7

Two days after the blood incident, Tom was in the shuttle bay waiting for B'Elanna. They were supposed to be checking over one of Voyager's more decrepit shuttles, but B'Elanna was late, so Tom was sitting in the cockpit, mulling over the last couple of days.

This latest attack had not affected Chakotay as Tom had worried it might. He knew the Commander was still feeling slightly squeamish, but for some reason he was also more positive. Tom suspected it was because Chakotay thought that the ' _stalker_ ' would make a final move soon, and he preferred that, to all this vague waiting around. He sighed. It concerned him that his lover indulged in the ' _action hero_ ' attitude to solving problems. He had enough problems controlling that instinct in himself. He smirked to himself; the Captain must have had a fit when she realized they were getting together.

He gazed dreamily out of the cockpit view port. ' _Getting together_ '... they had certainly been doing a lot of that lately, as well. It seemed that being in danger also increased his lover's sexual appetite, something to do with releasing tension, Tom guessed, but it had made Chakotay practically insatiable. Tom's expression grew dreamier. Well, he reflected, he had to say he really didn't mind an insatiable Chakotay. In fact...

"Hey! Wake up!"

Tom swivelled in his seat and came face to face with B'Elanna. "When did you get here?"

She grinned and took the seat opposite. "About a minute ago. What is it with you two, anyway? Five minutes ago, I'm in the mess hall with Chakotay, and Neelix comes up and asks me something about Klingon blood pie. Next thing, Chakotay's up and out of the door, like someone's set fire to his trousers. And then, I find you sitting here looking like someone's stolen you're brain." She smirked. "Mind you, they'd have trouble finding it."

"Oh Ha, Ha. Let's just get on with this, shall we?"

B'Elanna frowned. "Okay." They worked for a moment in silence, and then B'Elanna spoke again. "Look Tom, I'm sorry. You usually don't mind a joke."

Tom's expression was apologetic. "No B'Elanna, I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a bit tense."

She glanced at him, concern showing in her warm brown eyes. "I can see that. Why? You and Chakotay haven't had a fight, have you?"

Tom groaned. "Why is it that the minute I'm a bit off, everyone thinks I've had a fight with Chakotay? Are you all just waiting for me to blow it or something, is that it?"

B'Elanna held up a hand. "Hey! I'm sorry! I was just concerned, that's all."

Tom turned in his seat, to look at her. "Sorry, B'El. It's just work stuff, okay." He smiled at her. "Let's change the subject, and maybe we can go for five minutes without apologizing to each other. How's things with Harry? Had any major fights yet?"

B'Elanna burst into laughter. "Very funny. No major ones, but lots of minor ones. You know, it's more fun fighting with Harry, then I ever imagined it would be." She grinned. "And the making up is even better."

Tom grinned back. "So, how many fights have you deliberately provoked?"

Her eyes danced wickedly. "Not _that_ many. And you know," she leaned forward and her voice dropped to a whisper. "I think Harry's been deliberately provoking some too."

This time it was Tom who burst into laughter. "God, I hope you two don't kill each other one day. You know, I was thinking, we should all get together one night, and have dinner."

B'Elanna nodded. "That's a great idea."

"Well, how about tomorrow night, then? I know Chakotay's free for dinner that night."

B'Elanna stared at him in amazement. "Maybe someone did steal your brain." When Tom frowned at her, she continued. "Remember the asteroid you've been flying around, the last couple of days? Harry and I are taking an away team down to mine galacite, tomorrow. We'll be gone for two days. Jeez, we only talked about it for an hour at the senior staff meeting this morning. Were you asleep?"

Tom shook his head and laughed. "I remember. It was _your_ report, so maybe I did fall asleep." He grinned as she glared at him. "We'll do it when you get back, then. Chakotay and I'll just have a nice dinner alone. You can think about that, while you're eating Starfleet rations, on that cold, rocky asteroid."

"Oh thanks so much, flyboy."

* * *

The next night, Tom found himself sitting in Chakotay's quarters, covertly watching the Commander not eating. Tom had replicated one of Chakotay's favourite meals, and they were drinking a bottle of real wine, but Chakotay sat toying with his food and barely saying a word. He stole another glance at Chakotay and noticed that while his face was as serene as it usually was, there was a nervous look around his eyes. Tom felt a lead weight settling on his heart. He didn't like the look of this at all.

Finally Chakotay gave up on his food, and picked up his plate, taking it over to the replicator. Then he turned and gazed at something over the top of Tom's head.

"Tom, I've been thinking, and there's something I'd like to talk to you about." The words sounded rushed, as if Chakotay had wanted to get them out before he lost his nerve.

_Here we go_ , the voice in Tom's head was resigned, but the pain he felt was acute. _I've heard this speech before. I just don't know if I can stand hearing it from Chakotay._ He decided he couldn't and stood up swiftly. "Look, it's fine. I'll just go, shall I?"

"What?" Chakotay stared at Tom, and was aghast to see the paleness of his face, and the pain in his eyes. He stepped over to the other man and gripped his arm. "What on Earth are you thinking? I just wanted to ask you something. I'm sorry, Tom, I'm nervous, I've never asked anyone this before. I didn't mean to upset you." Relief flooded through him as he saw the color return to Tom's face. "Look, let's sit down, and talk without anymore confusion, okay?"

Tom nodded, and they picked up their glasses and walked over to the couch. Tom sat down next to Chakotay and waited. He still didn't trust himself to speak.

Chakotay cleared his throat and then turned to Tom, taking his hand in a firm clasp. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to move into my quarters with me?" When Tom stared at him in stunned amazement, Chakotay continued, "I realize we haven't been together that long, that maybe it's too soon for you. I'll understand if you feel that way. I was concerned about it myself, but I don't know, I just want this. I want to be with you." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Tom and I'd like to live with you, to make that commitment and..." his voice trailed off and he looked at Tom's still shocked face. "I'd sort of appreciate it if you said something, soon."

Tom attempted to gather the remnants of his shattered brain. "Yes," he finally whispered.

Chakotay leaned forward and peered into Tom's eyes. "Is that a ' _Yes I'll live with you_ ', or a ' _Yes, I think it's too soon_ '?"

Tom took a deep breath. "It's a ' _Yes, I'll live with you'_."

Chakotay grinned and his dimples flashed. "That's great."

Tom took another deep breath and felt his brain starting to glue itself together again. "You did just say that you love me?"

"Yeah, I did." Chakotay's lips grazed his ear, and then trailed along Tom's jaw line.

Tom closed his eyes. "I love you, too."

"I know," Chakotay breathed into his other ear and then nipped his earlobe.

"You bastard," Tom gasped, and then moaned as Chakotay's lips finally captured his in a punishing kiss.

They kissed for a long time, exploring each other's mouths, caressing tongues, and nibbling lips. Then Chakotay became more demanding, pushing against Tom, his mouth devouring Tom's hungrily. Tom felt his own passion building in response, and when the kiss finally ended, he knew exactly what he wanted to do. He slipped to the floor, knelt between Chakotay's legs and reached for his zipper.

Chakotay smiled down at him through a haze of desire. "Oh yes," he whispered and Tom could hear the need in his voice.

He felt the bulge of his lover's erection against his fingers, as he slowly undid the zipper. When he reached in and gripped the hard shaft inside, Chakotay groaned loudly. Then he was gazing at that lovely cock, and rolling the balls underneath, in his hand. Tom loved looking at Chakotay's cock, it was the most beautiful one he thought he'd ever seen, and thinking about the things Chakotay did to him with it, always made him thrum with excitement.

"Please, Tom, I need you," Chakotay's whisper was ragged now, and Tom gazed into those dark eyes and saw the desperation in them. He held those eyes with his own, as he leaned forward slowly and rubbed his cheek against Chakotay's stiff erection. Chakotay gasped and then smiled, "You tease," he whispered.

Tom shifted his head slightly and ran his lips from the bottom of the shaft to the head at the top. He felt Chakotay tremble, and grasped one of the Commander's hips. Even though he could no longer see them, Tom could feel those burning eyes glued to his face. When he felt Chakotay's fingers digging into his shoulder, he took pity on him, and engulfed his lover's delicious cock in one hungry movement.

"Oh God," Chakotay yelped, and his hips jerked in Tom's firm hands. He flung his head onto the back of the couch, and rolled it from side to side, alternatively moaning and gasping for breath.

Tom was enjoying himself immensely. He loved the way Chakotay always lost control when Tom did this to him. It was a side of the Commander not often seen, and Tom loved the sense of power it gave him when he saw Chakotay like this. Beyond that, Tom simply loved giving head, and knew he was good at it.

As Chakotay wriggled and writhed on the couch, Tom thoroughly explored his lover's cock. He sucked the balls, one by one, lovingly caressed the shaft with his tongue, and then swirled his lips around the head, enjoying the salty tang of Chakotay's pre cum. When he knew that Chakotay was close, he took his lover deep into his throat, and sucked him hard. A few moments later, Chakotay exploded into his mouth. Tom rode out the aftershocks, and then took one last loving suck on his lover's spent cock.

Tom felt Chakotay's hands pulling at him, so he rose and plastered himself on the Commander for a deep kiss. When Chakotay released him, he rolled on his side and snuggled in Chakotay's arms.

"How soon can you move in?" Chakotay asked after a moment of reflective silence.

"How about I grab some stuff after my shift tomorrow," Tom answered.

"That sounds great. I have a meeting with the Captain, but after that I can help," Chakotay offered.

"Thanks," and then Tom sighed.

Chakotay looked down at him. "What is it?"

Tom smirked. "I'm guessing we'll be back to being the hot topic of gossip."

Chakotay laughed and kissed Tom's forehead. "I can live with it."

* * *

Tom rummaged around in his closet, searching for something to put his clothes in. He couldn't believe the mess, and he guessed that he'd have to be a lot tidier living with Chakotay. He still had to pinch himself, every time he thought about it. He just wasn't used to his dreams coming true, but this time it looked like he was in luck.

He sat back on his heels and looked up at the shelf above his head. He vaguely remembered shoving a bag up there at one time, so he went to the living area and fetched a chair. Climbing onto it, he stretched out a hand and felt around till his fingers met a handle. He grabbed it and pulled. He was satisfied to see the bag, but something else flew out with it and landed on the floor. Tom hopped off the chair and stared at the object in absolute amazement.

It was Chakotay's medicine bundle.

His hand flew immediately to his combadge but at the last moment halted. A vision, like a vague memory was rising before his eyes. He saw his own hands, holding a vicious looking knife, and then his hand rose and slashed at a couch. He knew it was Chakotay's couch.

Tom gasped and stepped back, falling over the chair and landing on the floor with a thud. A bitter bile of panic was rising in him, as other images flashed through his mind. He was staring at a bed, it was Chakotay's bed, now he was throwing books on the floor, tearing out the pages and ripping them into shreds.

He gripped his head in his hands in a futile attempt to force the visions out of his mind. Gasping for breath he crawled over to the bed, and used it to haul himself to his feet. Tears were running down his face, but he couldn't feel himself crying. He didn't know what to do.

Tom sat on the bed and slowly the visions faded. It felt like his brain was burning, and the fear in him was rising with every moment, choking him. Was it possible, he was going insane? His mind shrieked away from that thought.

Still, he didn't know what to do, but he needed help desperately. He thought of Harry, and then remembered that his friend wasn't on the ship. He needed someone to sort this out for him, to tell him it wasn't true.

He rose to his feet and stumbled into the living area. Standing there for a moment, he ran his hands over his face and tried to calm himself. Then he strode through the doors and headed for Corella's quarters.

* * *

When the door chime rang, Chakotay woke with a start. _Finally,_ he thought. His meeting with the Captain had ended at the door to his quarters and when he'd entered them he'd collapsed on the couch to wait for Tom. He must have fallen asleep, and now Tom was here, though it was strange that he was chiming, when he had the codes to the door.

Chakotay frowned. "Who is it?"

"It's me." It was the Captain's voice. "May I come in?"

Chakotay got up and keyed open the door, and Captain Janeway strode into the room. Once the doors had shut, she turned to look at him, and Chakotay gasped at the sight of her face. It was haggard, and grim, and there was a tightness, which showed how much effort she was making to maintain control.

"What's happened?"

"I need you to come to sickbay."

A vice of fear gripped his heart. "Something's happened to Tom," he stated.

Her expression was enigmatic. "Both Tom and Ensign Azar were taken to sickbay. Pablo Baytart found them both, unconscious, in Azar's quarters. Some sort of struggle had taken place. Ensign Azar regained consciousness first and when she explained what had happened, and the Doctor had finished examining Tom, I had to transfer Tom to the brig. Ensign Baytart tried to attack him, so it was as much for Tom's safety as anyone else's." Her voice sounded slightly apologetic.

Chakotay could feel that the blood had drained from his face, and there was an annoying buzzing in his ears. He took a deep breath. "Tell me."

He knew it was going to be bad, when she stepped up to him and took his hand, then rested her other hand against his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. It appears that Tom attacked Ensign Azar," she paused, "and then sexually assaulted her."


	8. Chapter 8

Chakotay could not remember how he had gotten to sickbay. He'd just suddenly found himself sitting in the Doctor's office with the Captain, staring through the window, at the Doctor hovering over a biobed.

He turned to the Captain. "Where's Tuvok?

Her eyes shifted. "He's searching Tom's quarters."

Chakotay sank into a chair. "You're telling me that you believe...?" the words choked in his throat and he couldn't continue.

"I'm not saying anything. It's just a precaution."

"This is a bad dream. I'm actually asleep, aren't I?"

"I'm afraid not."

Chakotay shuddered and then made a visible effort to pull himself together. "This is ridiculous, it can't be true."

"Ensign Azar is telling the truth. We tested her. And she has... injuries."

"There must be some mistake."

"Are you accusing her of lying? She's always been an exemplary officer. You've said so in your own evaluations."

"Still, it's her word against Tom's." Chakotay felt like a drowning man clutching at straws.

"Tom hasn't denied it."

Chakotay stared with horror into the Captain's eyes. "What?"

"He says he can't remember anything." She frowned and then continued. "Chakotay, there's something I should tell you. Ensign Azar says that Tom arrived at her quarters, in great distress about something. She tried to get it out of him, but all she could understand was that he'd had some sort of vision... about being in your quarters, destroying your things." She paused as Chakotay sprang to his feet and began to pace the room. "She says, that then he suddenly just went crazy and attacked her."

"NO!" Chakotay burst out.

"Excuse me," the Doctor entered the room.

The Captain wrenched her concerned gaze from Chakotay and faced the Doctor. "Yes?"

"I've completed my examination of Ensign Azar."

"How is she?"

"Suffering from shock, of course. I've had to sedate her quite heavily; she'll be out for about ten hours. Her physical injuries are fairly superficial. I was able to extract some traces of semen from her reproductive system."

Chakotay winced and sat down again. He felt like he was going to be sick.

"Well, Doctor?" the Captain's voice was impatient.

"I'm sorry, Captain, Commander. It does belong to Lieutenant Paris."

"Oh God!"

Chakotay was shocked to discover the voice wasn't his own, and stared at the Captain. Her face was pale, and he noticed the hand that she reached out to a chair with, was shaking. His own mind was whirling in a frantic circle.

"Alien influence?" He could only manage to gasp out two words.

The Doctor turned and gazed at him. "I examined Mr Paris for signs of an alien influence. I found nothing unusual at all. Not even signs of amnesia."

Chakotay groaned and leaned his head in his hands. He was beginning to feel like every door he opened was slammed shut in his face. He thought about what the Captain had told him and then looked up. "Captain," her eyes met his and he could see the same despair he was feeling reflected in them. "What exactly did Tom say?"

She frowned. "He didn't say much at all. He seemed sunk in a deep depression. I told him what Ensign Azar had said, and gave him the opportunity to give his own version of events. He simply stated that he couldn't remember. He said the last thing he could remember, was being in his quarters, packing." She glanced at Chakotay with concern, but he merely nodded. "Something happened to distress him there, but he wasn't very clear, though he did say something about a knife and your quarters, which matched what Ensign Azar had told me. Then, I'm afraid, Ensign Baytart got out of hand; in the end the Doctor sedated him. We thought it best to move Tom out of sickbay; the Doctor had finished his examination of him and, in the circumstances, I had to move him to the Brig."

Chakotay was finding it increasingly difficult to appear rational about the whole situation, but he struggled to keep calm. He needed to think his way through this, and figure out what the hell was going on. He took a deep breath. "So, you're saying that you suspect Tom is the person who has been stalking me? That's absurd! He would never hurt me. He loves me."

It was the Doctor who answered him. "Commander, from what the Lieutenant said during his examination, I'm afraid that _he_ thinks he is the person stalking you."

"No," Chakotay shook his head. "Okay, fine, say that's true, if he's stalking _me_ why would he assault Azar?"

"As I examine Mr Paris further, I hope to find out," the Doctor replied. "At this point, I can't guess at his motivations."

"I still don't think Tom would have assaulted Azar." Chakotay knew where his thoughts were taking him; he could recognize the bitter taste of betrayal. The next words stuck in his throat but he choked them out. "Maybe it wasn't non-consensual."

"Chakotay," the Captain's voice was gentle. "If that were the case, why would Ensign Azar lie? And if she did lie, why wouldn't Tom deny it?" She walked over to his side and rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I know it seems like everything's falling apart, that there is nothing positive in this situation, but at least we _know_ now, and Tom can get treatment."

"That would be fine, Captain" the Doctor's voice was worried, "if I knew what to treat him for."

She stared at him. "What? I assumed that there was some sort of indication of a mental problem, like a multiple personality disorder, or something similar."

The Doctor continued to look worried. "In the few tests I was able to perform, I saw no indications of a mental problem. He was confused, and distressed ...yes, and suffering from shock. Of course, I need to examine him further. But to tell you the truth, I'm not entirely convinced that he can't remember what happened."

Chakotay sprang to his feet. "Are you accusing him of lying?"

The Doctor took a step back into the doorway, and collided with Tuvok. He stepped aside swiftly, and glanced at the Vulcan gratefully. "Ah, Mr Tuvok, a welcome distraction."

Tuvok's eyebrow arched. "So I gather, Doctor." He glanced around the room and found every eye riveted to the item he held in his hand.

"That's my medicine bundle," Chakotay stated flatly.

"Yes, Commander," Tuvok replied. "I found it in Lieutenant Paris' quarters."

Chakotay sat down again. "I see."

Tuvok turned to the Captain, but his eyes frequently ran over the slumped figure in the chair, as he addressed her. "There was a small cloaking device attached to it. That is why our sensors were not able to detect the Akoonah. Quite ingenious. The device had been dislodged, and I found the medicine bundle on the floor in the Lieutenant's sleeping area."

Chakotay shifted in the chair, and sighed. "Someone could have put it there."

Captain Janeway saw the expression in Tuvok's eyes as they rested on the Commander, to many others the look would have seemed indecipherable, but she could see the concern in his gaze.

"I ran a DNA scan over the item. Besides your DNA, Commander, the only other traces were from Lieutenant Paris."

Chakotay did not reply. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed. His mind was reeling again, his stomach was churning and worst of all, a lead weight was settling on his heart, a feeling he recognized with despair. He'd last felt it when Seska had left the ship.

He stood up. "I'm going to see Tom."

The Captain held out a hand. "Chakotay, I don't know if that's a ..." the rest of her words were to the closing sickbay doors, "... good idea."

Her eyes met Tuvok's.

"It might be for the best, Captain."

* * *

Chakotay paced the hallway outside the Brig doors. He'd been there for fifteen minutes already, and he still had not managed to get inside. In the time it had taken to get there from sickbay, he had run through a gamut of exhausting emotions. Frantic denial, heartbreak, despair, worry, self-pity, bitterness. Just name it, he thought, he'd felt it. Then he reached anger.

It was the anger that was keeping him in the hallway. He was angry with Tom, even angry with Ensign Azar, but he was furious at himself. He'd sworn to himself, after the last time, that he would avoid going through anything like this ever again. And now, here he was. He knew deep down that his reaction was selfish; he couldn't feel like this and face Tom.

Strangely, the thought of Tom calmed him down. There were so many factors to this situation about Tom, which he needed to get straight in his head. Tom had been stalking him, Tom had trashed his quarters, Tom had stolen his medicine bundle, Tom had programmed the replicators to dispense blood, and Tom had raped Ensign Azar. Then there were the alternatives. Tom had been his friend and his lover, Tom had feared for him, Tom had protected him, and Tom had made love to Ensign Azar. He sighed, and rested his head against the wall. Whichever way he looked at it, he ended up feeling betrayed.

He needed to hear what Tom had to say. He straightened up, took a deep breath and walked through the doors.

* * *

Tom was lying on the bench in his cell, staring at the ceiling. He was deliberately forcing his mind to stay blank, it was a technique he'd learnt during the whole Caldik Prime thing, and then later perfected in prison. It was proving difficult; he hadn't had to do this in a long time.

He felt, rather than heard, someone standing at the force field, and rolled his head to look. It was Chakotay.

Immediately, the nightmares that he'd been holding at bay at the edges of his mind came crashing in. He floundered in a vast sea of visions, and feelings. All of them were horrifying. He grimaced and sat up. He could not look at this man he loved, this man that he was terrified he also wanted to kill.

For a long time, there was complete silence, and then finally Chakotay spoke.

"Tom," Tom winced at the harsh note of despair he heard in the voice. "Tell me... just tell me, please, what happened?" The voice had died to a whisper, and Tom stood and stepped closer.

He opened his mouth, and closed it again. He couldn't. "They've told you."

Then he heard it. A low sob. From Chakotay. The feeling in his heart now was like nothing he had ever experienced before, not at Caldik Prime, not in prison. It rose in his throat to choke him, and he swallowed frantically against it.

Then he finally looked at Chakotay, and immediately wished he hadn't. The sight of his lover's face was worse than any vision he'd had so far. Chakotay was crying.

Tom stepped forward swiftly, and then remembered the force field. The expression in Chakotay's eyes was killing him. He could see everything, despair, loss, and something else that made his blood run cold. Fear.

Chakotay spoke again. "Tuvok found my medicine bundle in your quarters."

"I know," Tom whispered.

Suddenly he saw anger flare in Chakotay's eyes. "For God's sake, Tom, talk to me properly. Tell me that none of this is true."

"I can't, Chakotay," Tom wailed. He could feel the panic rising inside of him again. "I don't know what's true anymore. I only know one thing, and that is that I love you."

There was another long silence as Tom continued to gaze into the eyes that held him to the spot. He felt like he was going to drown in their depths, fall right down into the confusion and pain he could see in them. Then Chakotay looked away, and Tom felt the loss of connection, like a sharp stab in his heart.

"Tell me about Azar." The words were rapped out, like an order on the bridge, and as such he immediately responded.

"I don't remember..."

Chakotay caught the hesitation and jumped on it quickly. "Tell me what you _do_ remember."

Tom found himself struggling, both for breath and the words. "I went there, to her quarters," he was gasping the words out. "I remember... a struggle. I remember that I..."

Chakotay stepped closer to the force field, but his eyes still did not meet Tom's. "What is it you remember?" he hissed, "That you came? Inside her? Is that it?"

Tom closed his eyes. The bitterness in Chakotay's voice told him all he needed to know. It was over. There was no hope. He didn't know whether he deserved hope, but he knew he'd wanted it desperately.

"Yes," he whispered, and he could hear the plea for forgiveness in his own voice. "That's what I remember."

When he opened his eyes, he was alone.


	9. Chapter 9

Neelix could not remember the mess hall ever being this quiet. It was certainly full of the usual number of crewmembers, eating the breakfast he'd lovingly prepared for them, but they were all strangely silent. What conversation did take place was in whispers.

Neelix watched them with concern. He had attended a senior staff meeting very early that morning, though few senior staff had actually been there. B'Elanna and Harry were still on an away mission, but Tom had been absent, and so had Chakotay. Once the Captain had explained to him and Seven what had occurred, he'd understood why. He had sat stunned, in horrified disbelief, as the Captain added that while she understood there would be speculation amongst the crew, she did not want the full facts of the case to be known.

After Tuvok had informed them that Tom was now out of the brig and confined to his own quarters, Neelix had asked to see him. His request was denied; apparently Tom had refused to see anyone, unless it was the Captain or Tuvok. Neelix' heart sank when he heard this news; he felt it would seem an admission of guilt. He knew that he might never know the entirety of what had happened, but one thing he knew was that he would never believe that Tom was guilty. He'd asked the Captain to tell Tom this and she'd smiled at him.

When the Doctor proceeded to report on the condition of Ensign Azar, Neelix had felt completely confused. He'd always liked Ensign Azar; he could not believe that she would lie about something so serious, and he knew that Vendarans were as rigid about telling the truth as Vulcans. For the first time, he saw the implications of the situation that the Captain, by the look in her eyes, was already well aware of. This had the potential to tear the ship apart, in a way no other threat to Voyager had ever achieved, not even the Borg.

Now Neelix stood in his galley kitchen, watching the beginnings of that process. Already rumours were flooding the ship, and he could see that the whispered conversations were developing into arguments. He glanced toward the table right next to the galley. Seated at it were the Delaney twins, Vorik and Sue Nicoletti, as well as Joe Carey and Ken Dalby. Neelix strained his ears and began to catch their conversation.

"It's not true." This was Megan Delaney.

"Megan, she's in sickbay, and I know for a fact that Tom was in the brig last night." Ken Dalby's voice was a harsh whisper.

"Oh yeah, how did you find that out?"

"I'm not telling you that. I just know he was there, and Chakotay went to see him. They did _not_ part on the best of terms."

"That doesn't mean he attacked her. After all, Pablo's confined to his quarters as well." This was Jenny Delaney.

Joe Carey spoke up. "Look, the worst I'll believe of Tom is that he and Corella cheated on Pablo and Chakotay."

Megan's whisper was frantic. "Tom would _not_ cheat on Chakotay. He's dreamed of being with him for years. He wouldn't risk that for anything."

"Well, obviously he has," Sue, hissed. "And it must have been serious. Why else would he be in the brig?"

The calm voice of Vorik interrupted. "Until we know the facts of the case, I do not see the purpose of this conversation. This speculation is an illogical use of our time."

"I totally agree."

Everyone started and looked up into the face of a furious Talaxian. "Do you think this discussion is of use to anyone?" Neelix continued. He stared pointedly at their empty trays. "If you've finished eating, I suggest you make a move for your duty stations."

No one had the nerve to argue that Neelix was hardly of a rank to tell them when to leave the mess hall. En masse, they picked up their trays and left.

When Neelix returned to his galley, he found the Captain and Tuvok standing at the food bar. He served them some food and when the Captain nodded to him, he followed them to a table. The rest of the room had fallen completely silent again, and the Captain glanced around quickly before she looked at Neelix.

"What was all that about?" she nodded at the recently vacated table.

Neelix sighed. "Gossip. There are all sorts of rumours flying around. Some of the speculation is frighteningly accurate."

The Captain frowned. "I made a mistake last night, sending Tom to the brig." She frowned and stared in abstraction at her tray.

Neelix was shocked. He couldn't remember that he'd ever heard her admit so openly to a mistake. Then he saw her tense and followed her gaze to the door. Chakotay had entered the room.

The Commander ordered some coffee at the replicator and then sat down at an empty table, completely ignoring the many eyes upon him. He looked like hell. It was obvious he hadn't slept, and his whole body exuded a tension that spoke volumes about the control over himself that he was maintaining. He sat, staring at the mug on the table, and Neelix could tell that he had forgotten it was there.

A sigh came from the other side of the table, and he heard the Captain say softly, "I'm going to have to talk to him about this."

"Yes, Captain." Tuvok's voice was uncommonly gentle.

Her stricken eyes met the Vulcan's across the table, and her next words were the most frightening Neelix had ever heard her utter. "Tuvok, I don't know what to do."

Before the Vulcan could answer, her combadge chirped. "Bridge to the Captain."

"Captain Janeway, here."

"Captain, Lieutenant Torres has just reported in from the asteroid. The away team are ahead of schedule with the galacite mining. They will be ready to transport back to the ship in three hours."

It was a moment before the Captain replied. "Very well, Janeway out."

Once again her eyes met Tuvok's. "Great."

* * *

Captain Janeway did something she'd never done before. She waited in the mess hall until everyone else had left. She knew Chakotay would still be there as well, he hadn't remembered to drink his coffee, he would definitely need to be reminded of the start of the duty shift.

She watched him for a moment, and then got up and drifted over to his table. Before she had even sat down, he spoke.

"I don't want to talk."

She sat down anyway. "I know." She reached a hand across the table. "You're hurt, angry."

His laugh was bitter, and she winced at the sound of it. "Believe me, I'm well aware of how I'm feeling, Kathryn. I don't need you to tell me."

"I'm sorry." She paused for a moment. "Chakotay, I want you to take this shift off."

He sighed. "I know. I'm not really fit for duty, am I?"

She shook her head. "No." She took a deep breath; she was treading on dangerous ground now. "You went to see Tom?"

The glare in his eyes withered her. "He didn't tell me anything that you don't already know."

She accepted this, though she suspected by his demeanour, that it wasn't quite the truth. She knew she couldn't take much more of this, and wasn't looking forward to how he was going to react to what she was going to say next. "This morning, the Doctor asked me to give you a message. Ensign Azar is awake. She's asked to see you."

Chakotay froze, and the tension in his body increased dramatically. "I don't think so."

"There's obviously something she wants to tell you. Maybe you should consider it."

"I said, no!" He got up. "I'm going back to my quarters."

The Captain stood as well. "Ok."

Chakotay walked over to the doors, and then turned to look at her again. The expression on his face was carefully blank. "Is he still in the brig?"

She shook her head. "No, he's confined to his quarters."

He left without another word.

"Well, that went well." Captain Janeway remarked to the empty room.

* * *

When Chakotay got back to his quarters, he sank into his couch. He felt stiff all over, and he knew it would be a long time before he would ever be relaxed again. Some time during the endless night he had died, he knew it. And he'd gone to Hell.

The scene in the brig replayed itself endlessly in his mind, and, with each viewing his pain did not diminish. If anything, it got worse. He'd had it with this godforsaken ship. Next habitable planet, he was getting off. He would get as far away from all of these people, from Tom, as he could possibly get.

He turned his head and gazed at the star streaks outside the view port. Suddenly, he wondered who was flying the ship. Half the flight team was confined to quarters, or in sickbay. He frowned. Sickbay. Corella Azar.

Why the hell would she want to see him? What could she possibly say to him? Either, that his lover was a complete bastard or a great fuck, and he didn't want to hear either statement. At this moment, he irrationally wanted to kill her. The fact that it was entirely possible, and given Tom's lack of denial, completely probable that she was an even bigger victim in this than he was, didn't seem to help.

He knew he was studiously ignoring the other factor in all this. It was also possible that Tom had been stalking him, trying to harm him. Even after they'd gotten together. The emotions this thought brought up in him were so overwhelming that he quickly suppressed all thought, and stared again out of the view port.

Ensign Azar. Again she drifted through his mind. In fact, it was becoming difficult to keep her out. He hated it, but he needed to hear what she had to say. He sighed and rose to his feet. He had no choice, he was going to have to go to sickbay and hear her out.

* * *

When Chakotay got to sickbay the Doctor met him at the door. "Ah Commander, you're here to see Ensign Azar?" Chakotay nodded. "She's still here." The Doctor continued. "I'm releasing her this afternoon." He peered closely at Chakotay and his expression was deeply concerned. "Are you feeling all right?"

"No," Chakotay answered. "But there's nothing you can do about it. Where is she?"

"Commander, she's still very upset. I know she wants to see you, but bear in mind that..."

"I won't upset her further. I'm here to listen. That's it."

"Very well, then. Follow me." The Doctor led him over to the biobed and then disappeared into his office.

Chakotay stared down at the slight figure in the bed. Her face was strained and pale, and her eyes puffy and red. She looked like she'd been crying for a month. She also looked scared, and he felt his heart melting at her vulnerability. He sighed.

"What did you want to tell me?" He was surprised that his voice was actually gentle.

It was a moment before she spoke, and when she did, he could hear and see the effort she was making. "Commander, I know you don't want the hear about... what happened, ... and I don't want to tell you." She paused and took in a shuddering breath. "I don't know why...he did... what he did." Chakotay frowned, as tears began to stream down her face. This had been a mistake. "There's something important, though, that you need to know. You know that I'm slightly telepathic. I felt his mind. It was confused, troubled, but there is one thing I'm _sure_ of. He loves you."

Chakotay gasped and then snorted bitterly. "How can you say that to me?"

"It's the truth." Her gaze was now implacable.

He frowned down at her. "And why on Earth would you care?"

"He's my friend."

"Even though he attacked you? That's very generous of you." She flinched at the sarcasm in his tone, and he immediately felt guilty. He reached across and took her hand. "I'm sorry, but I can't believe you're telling me this, after what has happened."

Her pale eyes stared unwaveringly into his. "I'm telling you, because it's the truth. I'm a Vendaran. I have an obligation to the truth."

He sighed. "I see. And he's your friend."

"I can accept that he is ill. Why can't you?"

Chakotay dropped her hand and stepped back from the bed. "This conversation is over, Ensign. Thank you for the information you've given me."

Corella Azar gasped, and gazed after Chakotay's retreating figure in consternation and concern.

"Is everything all right?" She realized that the Doctor had come from his office and was standing beside her.

She frowned at him. "I don't think so."


	10. Chapter 10

One of the many moments Captain Janeway was dreading had finally arrived. Harry and B'Elanna were back on board Voyager and were on their way to her Ready room. She glanced over at Tuvok, thankful for his support, and sighed.

"I suppose it's too much to hope that they won't have heard any of the rumours on their way from the transporter room?"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow in reply, knowing that she didn't really expect an answer. Then the door chimed.

"Come."

The moment Captain Janeway saw the faces of the two people who entered the room she knew her hopes had definitely been in vain. They strode up to her desk and glared down at her.

She was surprised that it was Harry who spoke first. "Captain, what the hell is going on? What's this about Tom being..."

The Captain rose to her feet and interrupted. "Ensign Kim, you are here to report on the away team mission. I expect to hear that report, now." She waved at the chairs near her desk. "Sit down. Both of you." Harry blinked, and B'Elanna frowned, but they both sat down. "Lieutenant Torres, make your report."

B'Elanna stared at her for a moment and then she spoke. "Very well, Captain. The mining went very well. We were able to extract all the galacite that we can store. I have had it transferred to storage bay three as previously discussed and I expect to start the refining process tomorrow."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Your away team has done an excellent job." She sat down again, and took a deep breath. "Now, I have to inform you of what has taken place during your absence."

As she explained the situation to them, Captain Janeway kept a watchful eye on their reactions. The expressions that passed across their faces reflected the conflict that her words created in them. She knew that both of them were close to Corella Azar, as well as to Tom.

The Captain watched Harry closely. While she was afraid that B'Elanna's temper would flare and cause her to act irrationally, she felt she understood the half-Klingon well enough to remain a step ahead of her, and contain her potential for disaster relatively easily.

But Harry was different. Her naïve young Ensign was, in some ways, still a mystery, at times surprising the hell out of her. She relied on him, trusted him implicitly, but she knew his ingeniousness was one of his greatest weapons. She suspected he could be an expert in manipulation, if he really wanted to, and was concerned that he would use this to incite the crew. Tom was more important to him, then most people would ever realize. Somehow, the pilot was a symbol to Harry, perhaps of the infinite possibilities in the universe, for redemption.

As she finished her report, she waited for their reaction. B'Elanna's, of course, was immediate. She flew out of her chair, and stormed around the room.

"This is the BIGGEST load of CRAP, I've ever heard in my ENTIRE life. Have you all gone MAD? Where's Chakotay, what's he doing about this stupidity? Tom would NEVER... he wouldn't hurt Corella, and he would NEVER hurt Chakotay!" She ended her tirade standing at the Captain's desk, looming over her, fists clenched.

Captain Janeway stared up at her levelly, trying to maintain her own calm authority. "Then how do you explain Ensign Azar's story? The physical evidence? How, B'Elanna, do you explain the fact that Tom has practically admitted it?"

B'Elanna's face contracted in fury, and her whole body shook in frustration. Then her hand flew out, grabbed the Captain's favourite coffee cup and hurled it at the wall behind the Captain. Unfortunately, the cup had been full of coffee, which splashed down all over the Captain as the cup arced gracefully above her head, then into the wall, smashing into pieces.

The Captain sprang to her feet in fury, and Tuvok rose also, striding to stand at B'Elanna's side. "B'Elanna," Captain Janeway's voice was low and tight with controlled rage. "Sit down and do not speak again, unless you want to visit the brig. We are all frustrated about this situation, but remember you are a senior officer. For the good of the crew, you _will_ remain calm and you _will_ not discuss this situation with _anyone_ , until I inform you that you can. Is that clear?"

B'Elanna glared back at her, and then Tuvok. Finally she sat down again, stiffly. "Yes, Captain," she replied, and her voice was strained. "I... apologize, for my outburst."

Now Captain Janeway looked at Harry. She was surprised that he had remained silent for so long, and even further taken aback at his calm demeanour. Finally, his eyes rose from their contemplation of her desk, and he spoke.

"This is not the truth." His voice was calm and sure. Against the certainty in his gaze, the Captain found she had nothing to say. "There has to be an explanation. Find it."

The Captain sighed. This was quite a day, and to top everything off, one of her junior officers was now giving her orders. "Harry, we will find an explanation. But you have to realize, that the explanation we find, might not be the one you want to hear. Tom is probably very ill."

Harry shook his head. "No." Then his eyes searched the room. "Where's the Commander?"

Captain Janeway glanced at Tuvok, and then looked back at Harry. "Commander Chakotay is off-duty today. He isn't feeling well."

She could see some sort of pain, creeping into Harry's eyes. "He believes this, doesn't he?"

"I don't exactly know what he thinks, Harry. I know he went to see Tom last night, but I'm not comfortable discussing this with you."

"I see." She could hear the rising anger in his voice. He stood up. "I'm going to see Tom."

The Captain stood up and held up a hand. "Harry, I'm not sure he'll see you."

Harry had turned away, but at her words he looked back over her shoulder, and now his eyes were completely unshuttered. She gasped at the mixture of tortured pain and fury she saw there.

"I have to try. I won't let Tom do this to himself. I won't let him convince himself, and everyone else, that he's guilty."

"Harry..." B'Elanna rose to her feet, and tried to grab his arm, but he was already at the door, and then gone.

The three remaining stared at each other. "Harry won't give up on this, Captain," B'Elanna warned. She frowned. "Neither will I. Permission to leave?"

Captain Janeway was beginning to feel as if Voyager were slipping through her fingers. "Remember what I said, B'Elanna. You are an officer on this ship. This situation will be handled officially, according to Starfleet protocol."

"Of course," B'Elanna snapped, and left the room.

Captain Janeway glanced at Tuvok. "God, I hope I don't end up having to confine half this crew to quarters."

"I don't know if that would be possible, Captain," Tuvok replied calmly. "It would certainly be necessary to detail more security staff, if you were to take that course of action."

The Captain stared at him in amazement. "Thank you, Tuvok, I'll bear that in mind," she responded, dryly.

"Of course, Captain. However, I agree that the reaction of the crew is becoming an important concern. Judging by Ensign Kim's behaviour, the situation has the potential to become extremely volatile. The sooner the investigation is concluded, the better."

"Concluded? You mean you're not satisfied?"

Tuvok looked surprised. "I was not aware that _you_ were satisfied with the explanation we have for what has happened, Captain."

"Of course I'm not, Tuvok," she snapped. "What do you propose to do next?"

"There are a few factors which I intend to investigate further. I would prefer to make a full report, when I have completed the investigation."

"And when will that be?"

"I am not certain, Captain. Soon. Permission to leave?" She nodded.

After he'd gone, she knelt on the floor and picked up the remains of her cup. Damn Vulcans! She realized that she should have pushed him further, but she had to admit, the scene with B'Elanna and Harry had left her frazzled. She found herself hoping fervently, that Tuvok would find some way to get them out of this mess.

* * *

After his visit to sickbay, Chakotay had stormed back to his quarters, in furious haste. On reflection afterwards, he was thankful he had met no other crewmembers on the way. He suspected there were enough rumours circulating the ship as it was. His mind shuddered at the thought of what would happen when the events of last night became common knowledge, as eventually they would have to.

He lay on his bed, tossing and turning. His body screamed for sleep but his mind refused to succumb. His heart had long ago dissolved into an aching, gaping hole in his chest. He was battling to understand why Ensign Azar's question had so terrified him. He knew he was in denial over something, that this denial was killing him, but he was doing such a successful job at it, that he couldn't figure out what he was denying. He shook his head. Perhaps he was going mad, as well, he thought bitterly.

That might explain why he still felt the need to protect Tom, when Tom had betrayed him. He knew the Captain suspected that he hadn't told her the truth about what Tom had remembered in the brig. He still couldn't understand why he'd lied to her.

At that moment his door chimed, and he sat up on the bed and stared in the direction of the doors doubtfully. He was pretty certain that he didn't really want to see anyone, but it might be the Captain with some news, and he needed a distraction. He got up and padded into the main room.

"Come."

The doors slid open and Harry strode in. _Damn,_ Chakotay thought. "Look, Harry..." he began, but he got no further.

"Hello Commander, I just thought I'd pop in and ask you why you're skulking around in your quarters, when you should be with Tom." Chakotay had never heard such a level of sarcasm in Harry's voice, and he peered closely at the younger man, noting the wild look about his eyes. Well, too bad, he didn't have the patience to deal with someone else's feelings at the moment.

"After everything that's happened, I don't need to hear this sort of shit from you, Ensign. Get out."

Harry stepped closer. "Well, I'm sorry about that but I'm not going anywhere. Tom needs you."

"You know that for a fact, do you? Been to see him, have you? And you got sucked into his whole ' _vulnerable, trying to be brave but look after me'_ act, did you?"

Harry's face contorted. "Fuck you, Commander," he hissed and Chakotay was shocked at the venom in his voice. "He wouldn't see me. He won't see anyone. Don't you see what's happening? He's going to give up, and you're going to let him, you bastard."

"For God's sake, Harry. Haven't they explained it to you? Tom's been stalking me, attacking me. He's raped one of your friends."

"IT'S NOT TRUE!" Harry screamed.

"HE ADMITTED IT TO ME!" Chakotay screamed back. He took a deep breath, and willed himself to regain control. "Harry, a lack of denial isn't a confession. But Tom told me he remembered..." he shook his head unable to continue, and gasped in another deep breath. "He admitted to me that he could remember what happened. Harry, the reason he won't see anyone is because he knows he is guilty and he doesn't want to face them. He doesn't want to face you."

"There's an explanation." Harry's voice was surprisingly calm. "There's an explanation for everything that's happened."

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "And the best explanation is that Tom is mentally ill." He'd finally accepted that this had to be the truth. "But that doesn't change that he's guilty, and we're all going to have to deal with that."

Harry stared at him, and his usually warm eyes were cold. "I thought you loved, Tom. Yet, it's so easy for you to desert him when he needs you. Is that how _you're_ going to deal with it?"

Chakotay could feel his anger rising again. "Don't presume to know what I'm feeling, Harry."

Harry turned and walked back to the door. He paused, and then turned back to face the Commander again and his eyes burned into Chakotay's.

"You're right, I don't know what you're feeling. What I _do_ know is that you _have_ to stand by Tom."

* * *

After Harry had left, Chakotay stood staring at the door for a long time. Eventually he realized that the harsh sounds he could hear were his own sobs, and there were tears pouring down his face. He sank to his knees on the floor, and let himself go. He hadn't cried with such abandon since he was a child, and the relief of the release was wonderful.

When it was over, he lay on his back on the floor and gazed at the ceiling. His mind seemed to be clearer, it almost seemed as if his tears had somehow swept through his mind and cleansed it of all the confusion and debris. Something strong was rising inside him, and he knew soon he would be ready to face it. He drifted through the events of the day, and replayed in his mind the few conversations he'd had. All of them seemed significant in some way.

He remembered what Corella Azar had told him, and then Harry's final words rang in his ears again. He rose to his feet and paced the floor, his stomach churning. He'd been in a state of denial all day, and now he knew what it was that he had been denying the most, the feeling he had been trying to bury in the deepest black hole he could find inside himself. He still loved Tom.

He needed to see Tom. He turned to the door, and then halted as he remembered what Harry had said about Tom refusing to see any one. Chakotay grimaced as he realized that he was going to have to ask the Captain for permission to visit Tom. Well, he'd do whatever it would take. He raised his hand and hit his combadge.


	11. Chapter 11

Tom Paris sat on the couch in his quarters, and stared at the wall. He'd been staring at the wall ever since Harry had tried to get in to see him. He wondered what was going to happen to him. The Doctor had been to see him earlier, and informed him that tomorrow he would be transferred to sickbay for the day, to undergo some tests. After that, he had no idea, and he had a feeling that the person who would decide his fate, the Captain, had no idea what to do either. Perhaps, if he spent the rest of his days, being transported between sickbay and his quarters, he would never have to face another crewmember again.

He hadn't seen or heard from the Captain all day and he had a feeling that he wouldn't until he'd gone through the tests tomorrow. This avoidance was unlike her, and his heart shattered anew at the thought of what that meant, at the thought of what she must think of him now, the disappointment she must be feeling.

Tom was trying desperately not to think of two people. One was Corella. The images that flashed through his mind, when he thought of her, were painful and disturbing. They terrified him. Tom had always thought he knew all of his failings, intimately, but these images evoked a self-loathing so intense, that everything he had known about himself before, faded away into insignificance. In the past, he had disliked himself. Now he was beginning to think he must be some sort of monster.

A tear slipped down his face and dripped off his chin. He was surprised, he thought he had run out of tears hours ago. It was becoming increasingly difficult to avoid thinking of the second person. This was, of course, Chakotay. His former lover. His only love. His Prey.

"Janeway to Paris."

Tom looked down at his combadge in startled bewilderment. He'd been put on a restricted com-line last night, and he thought he'd taken off his combadge when he was transported back to his quarters. He cleared his throat and then hit the badge.

"Paris, here."

"Tom," her voice was brisk, and Tom had a feeling she wanted to get off the com-line as quickly as possible. "I have a request from Commander Chakotay. He has asked to see you."

A bolt of pure fear shot through Tom like lightening. He thought for a moment, as his heart thudded painfully hard in his chest. "Umm... is it an official, or a personal request?"

There was a slight pause. "Personal."

"Then the answer is No."

He thought he heard her sigh through the com-line. "Very well. I'll inform him. There is one more thing, Lieutenant Tuvok is on his way to see you."

"Yes, I understand, thank you, Captain."

"Janeway, out."

Tom looked down at his hands and discovered that they were trembling. Chakotay wanted to see him. The vision of Chakotay's face as it had looked, the last time he'd seen it flashed through his mind, causing another painful bolt of emotion. He couldn't face that again. He couldn't face another bitter accusation, or seeing the pain he'd caused distorting the face of the man he loved. There was no point, when everything was over, anyway.

The door chimed, and Tom looked up as the door opened and Tuvok walked in.

"The Captain informed you I was coming?" The Vulcan asked.

"Yes. Have a seat."

"Very well," Tom was surprised when Tuvok actually did sit down on the couch next to him. They both shifted slightly to face each other, and Tom waited for whatever was going to happen next.

"How are you feeling, Lieutenant?" Tuvok asked.

Tom was even more surprised. Tuvok making small talk? "Er... I've been better." Tom grimaced at his own answer, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Tuvok was peering at him like he was some sort of insect. "Yes, I imagine that would be so. Mr Paris, I have a suggestion to make, or you could view it as a request."

"You want to mindmeld with me," Tom stated. He realized by the expression on Tuvok's face, that he had actually succeeded in surprising the Vulcan.

"You are correct, Mr Paris. I believe it would give us a more accurate indication of what is happening in your mind than the Doctor's tests will. Are you agreeable?"

"It wouldn't be dangerous?"

"I believe there would be no risk to you, Lieutenant."

Tom laughed bitterly. "I was thinking of you actually, Tuvok."

Tuvok's eyebrow rose and his voice was even dryer than usual. "I am prepared to take the risk. Are you agreeable?"

"Sure," Tom replied. "I'm as curious as you are." He eyed Tuvok's frown. "No use, Tuvok, I know you're curious."

"You seem to have become remarkably astute recently, Mr Paris. Shall we begin?"

Tom nodded and closed his eyes as he felt Tuvok's fingers splay across his face. Then he heard the Vulcan's calm voice.

"My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

Tom felt himself relaxing in a way he had never relaxed before. His body seemed to melt away. The last time he had experienced a mindmeld with Tuvok, he had been in such a weakened condition from the effects of the Banean implant, that he had never been fully aware of what was happening.

This time it was different, though. A confusing jumble of images raced through his mind and he could actually feel Tuvok, sifting through them patiently, until they eventually arrived at a place so deep inside Tom's mind that he had not even been aware it was there. Behind his eyelids, he could actually see it. It was just space... neither light nor dark, but somehow he could see a figure standing there. It was a moment before he realized it was Tuvok.

Tuvok's voice sounded in his mind and the figure's arm lifted and pointed. " _What is that?_ "

Tom's mind shifted until he could see what Tuvok was pointing at. A dense grey fog was billowing in the space. "I don't know," Tom answered.

Tuvok began to walk toward the fog, and Tom felt panic rising inside him. " _Keep calm,_ " Tuvok's voice echoed in his head.

"I don't think you should ..."

He felt the force of Tuvok's mind covering his own, and felt overwhelmed by its implacable weight. " _Let go of your fear. Fear is an emotion, nothing more. Let go of your emotion._ "

When Tuvok stepped into the fog, Tom's mind went blank.

* * *

After the Captain informed him that Tom had refused to see him, Chakotay sat on the edge of his bed and tried to formulate a plan. He wasn't sure what he wanted from Tom; he just knew he needed to see him. He could not go forward from this hell he was in until he did.

Tom would not see him because it was a personal request. Well, Chakotay would just have to think of a good reason to make it official. His eyes drooped and he sagged onto the bed. God he was exhausted. This had to be the longest day of his life, and he'd accomplished nothing. Tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow he would force Tom to see him, and they would find some way to sort this whole mess out.

His eyes drifted shut and finally he fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Lieutenant Paris."

Tom slowly opened his eyes to meet the dark gaze of Tuvok. "Is it over?"

"Yes."

Tom eyed Tuvok carefully. He couldn't be sure, but he had a feeling that the Vulcan was actually... pale. "What did you find? I know you found something."

Tuvok frowned, and when Tom saw the puzzled look in the Vulcan's eyes, he felt the panic rising in him again.

"I am not certain." The words were said slowly as if Tuvok were trying to work something out as he spoke. Suddenly the Vulcan rose to his feet. "I must go. I will meditate on this."

"Wait..." Tom called, but Tuvok was already gone. _Great_ , he thought. _Damn Vulcans. It's my head after all. I have a right to know what's in it._

* * *

_In the end it was easier to get to his Prey then he had thought possible. He had expected more resistance from them. He felt the satisfaction of his own superiority wash over him as he walked through the empty halls of the ship. It was late._

_The joy he had felt when he had gazed at the Knife and realized the Time had come still echoed through his soul. The Knife was in his hand now; it's exciting weight causing the pleasure in him it always did when he held it. Now the Knife would fulfil its final purpose._

_He reached the doors of his Prey's quarters and keyed in the code. He entered the room softly, warily, ready to face his Prey. He glanced around the empty room, and then crept quietly to the bedroom. His heart swelled with love at the sight that met his eyes. His Prey was sprawled face up on the bed, waiting for him._

_He backed away from the door and went to the replicator. Then, with the sleek silken cords in his hand he tiptoed into the bedroom. He did not want to disturb the sleep of his Prey. Slowly, gently, he wound each cord around a limb of his Prey and then ran the cords down to the legs of the bed. When he began to pull the cords tight, his Prey stirred._

_He waited a moment and his Prey settled. Then he tied the cords in place and stepped back into the shadows, to wait._

* * *

Chakotay stirred and felt consciousness slipping into his mind. He groaned against it and tried to force himself to go back to sleep. It became impossible; the way he was laying was extremely uncomfortable. He attempted to roll into a better position and felt complete confusion when he found he couldn't move.

His eyes flew open. Something was digging into his wrists and ankles. His heart began to thud erratically and his mouth went dry. He was tied to his bed.

His gaze flew about the room, frantically searching the shadows. What was that? Was that a figure by the door?

He swallowed heavily and struggled to find his voice and make it sound strong. "Who's there?"

The figure moved slightly and raised its arm. The starlight from the view port gleamed on the blade of a cruel, vicious looking knife. Chakotay's heart now seemed to be banging somewhere inside his head and he knew he had to find some way to breathe evenly or he would black out. He suspected he was going to need all his wits about him, if he was going to survive this.

"Show yourself," his voice was a harsh, rasping whisper. It was the best he could do.

The figure stepped forward, and the starlight fell on his face. Chakotay gasped and his eyes widened when he saw whom it was. Then despair gripped his heart.

It was Tom.


	12. Chapter 12

"You requested to see me. Well, here I am."

The words sliced through Chakotay and froze his soul. Tom's voice sounded so ... normal, he sounded casual, like he'd just popped in for a cup of tea. Yet here he was, looming over Chakotay, holding the most frightening knife Chakotay had ever seen in his life.

He found his eyes riveted to that gleaming blade. It was long, and the end tapered into a cruelly hooked point. Then he noticed the handle. What he could see of it in Tom's fist, seemed to be of intricately carved, dark wood. There was something ceremonial about it.

"You like it? It's for you." Tom's voice was now low and seductive, and Chakotay shivered. He had heard those same tones many times before, in far happier circumstances. To hear them now, like this, made this whole situation seem even more unreal ... and terrifying.

He tensed his arms and strained at the cords around his wrists, in a futile attempt to loosen them. Then he heard a soft, low laugh and looked up at Tom in horror. Chakotay shook his head. He had to clear his mind now, or he was going to lose control completely.

He gazed up at Tom, and carefully schooled his expression into a neutral mask. "Tom," he whispered. "Come on, untie me, love."

He saw Tom's teeth flash in a quick grin. "That won't work. Don't you realize yet? It's Time, Chakotay."

His head was spinning. "Time for what?"

Tom hunkered down beside the bed and leaned over toward Chakotay's ear. Chakotay cringed and tried to move away as he felt Tom's lips brushing along his cheek, and then his tongue slipped out and slid up to his ear. Tom's hand gripped his chin, holding his head in place and he felt the rasped caress of Tom's breath against his cheek.

"It's Time for me to take you," the words were harshly whispered, and Chakotay closed his eyes in despair.

Suddenly there was a swift displacement of air, and he felt the heavy weight of Tom, settling into a straddled position over his waist. He opened his eyes, and stared up into the glittering eyes above him. He tried to decipher their expression, but found it impossible. Terror was slowly taking over his heart and mind, terror of what Tom was about to do. Because Tom was once again gripping his chin, those glittering eyes were focused on his mouth, and now Tom was leaning forward. Chakotay struggled desperately as those once treasured lips captured his own, overpowering him quickly.

He felt the familiar tongue sweep through his mouth, but there was nothing familiar about this kiss. It was like a punishment, brutally forceful, and Chakotay knew his lips were already bruised. Then he felt the sharp stab of Tom's teeth on his bottom lip, and the salty rush of blood into his mouth. Tom was sucking now, on the bloody wound on his lip, and Chakotay felt himself gag in sick horror. He heard Tom hiss, and suddenly the other man was sitting upright again and those glittering eyes were once more watching him intently.

"Your turn."

Chakotay barely heard the low words; his eyes were riveted to the now raised knife. Finally he found his voice.

"Tom, stop this now. There's still time for you to get help. You don't really want to do this, I know. You'll hate yourself afterwards, when you realize..." The rest of his words were smothered by Tom's hand pressing onto his mouth.

"Don't worry, my Prey. You'll understand soon. But no more talking." Chakotay gasped against Tom's hand as he felt the cold point of the knife trailing down his throat. "Promise me that you won't speak again." He felt a tiny trickle of blood as the point pressed into his skin, and nodded his head frantically. "Good." And the hand and the knife were removed.

Again those glittering eyes held his. A long moment passed, and then Tom slowly smiled and raised the knife again. Chakotay watched in horrified fascination, as Tom ran the blade against the palm of his own hand. Swiftly he leaned forward and pressed his hand once more against Chakotay's mouth, and Chakotay felt the hot smear of blood against his lips.

"Open your mouth," Tom hissed. "Taste it."

Chakotay obeyed, and felt the salty tang on his tongue. Chakotay watched the other man, as he licked at Tom's palm. Tom's eyes were closed, and he was breathing harshly, Chakotay was aghast to realize that he recognized Tom's reaction. It was sexual. He stopped licking, and Tom opened his eyes and then removed his hand.

Before Chakotay was aware of what was happening Tom had leaned over to his arm, and sliced the knife across Chakotay's wrist, just above the cords. Chakotay's body jerked and he screamed at the intense pain and suddenly Tom's hand smacked him hard against his head.

"I told you, no noise."

Chakotay knew this cut was deep; he could already feel the blood pouring down his arm, onto the bed. Then he felt Tom's mouth at his wrist, and turned his head, sickened to see Tom drinking freely from the wound. As he watched, Tom lifted his head and turned to gaze back at him. Chakotay gasped when he saw the bloodied lips, and the triumph glittering in the blue eyes.

Suddenly Tom shifted, and he was lying on Chakotay's chest, his hands resting on either side of Chakotay's head. He dove onto Chakotay's lips again, and this time Chakotay struggled fiercely, smearing blood over both their faces. Tiny lights were dancing in front of his eyes and he knew he didn't have much time before he passed out from loss of blood. He suspected he'd never wake up again, and his heart hammered erratically in his chest, as the fear took a final stranglehold on his mind.

In shock, he realized that he was struggling against nothing. The body that had been pressing down onto his was completely gone. At some time his eyes had closed, and now he swiftly opened them, and was confronted with the sight of Tom standing at the end of the bed, staring at him in amazement.

"Chakotay...?" The voice was nothing more than a whimper, an abject plea for explanation.

Chakotay saw Tom's face contort in pain, and the knife in his hand clattered to the floor as he gripped his head. Then he screamed, shrilly, and crumpled to the floor.

"Tom," Chakotay's voice was a strangled whisper. He could feel strength and consciousness ebbing from him. Everything looked like it was underwater, and he squinted his eyes trying to focus.

_Amazing,_ he thought. _Now it's Harry Kim at the end of the bed._ Suddenly the room was full of light, burning into his eyes. The Harry Kim was looking at the floor, bending over, and Chakotay wondered what could be so interesting down there.

He felt something pulling at his wrist and turned his head. Tuvok was standing beside him, scanning him with a tricorder. The Vulcan looked towards the Harry at the end of the bed and spoke. "There is a severe loss of blood. I'll transfer him to Sickbay immediately."

The Harry Kim answered. "Tom's unconscious."

Chakotay found his voice. "This is a very weird dream," he remarked to Tuvok.

The Vulcan looked down at him and frowned. "It's not a dream, Commander."

The light was dim again now and Chakotay could hardly see the Vulcan beside the bed. He felt his eyelids droop and heard the Vulcan's final words as if from a great distance.

"It's over, Chakotay. Ensign Azar is dead."

* * *

Chakotay woke in Sickbay. He blinked rapidly, and then found himself looking into the concerned eyes of Captain Janeway. He could feel her hand gripping his shoulder.

"Chakotay, it's okay, you're in Sickbay."

"Tom?" he croaked.

She smiled down at him. "He's just waking up now." She stepped back and Chakotay turned his head. Tom was lying on the next biobed. On the other side of the bed, Harry Kim was hovering over the blonde pilot.

Chakotay sat up on the bed in one rapid movement, and the Captain flung out a hand to hold his arm. "Steady, you lost a lot of blood."

Chakotay nodded and looked down at his wrist. The cut had been regenerated, but he could still see the mark where the cord had dug into his flesh. He heard a moan and looked up. Tom was now sitting up on the bed opposite him, running a hand through his hair. He saw the pilot look round at Harry and give him a small smile. "My head feels like I've been clobbered with one of Neelix' frying pans."

Then he turned and his eyes met Chakotay's. The smile faded, and the eyes darted away quickly. Pain once again gripped Chakotay's heart as he saw this reaction.

"What happened?" Chakotay asked the Captain.

She smiled at him. "I'm not exactly sure. You'd better ask Tuvok."

Chakotay looked around and discovered Tuvok standing beside him. The Vulcan's expression was as unrevealing as ever but Chakotay could sense a slight aura of triumphant satisfaction in the tall man.

Chakotay frowned. "I thought I heard you say that Ensign Azar is dead?"

"That is correct, Commander," came the calm reply.

A gasp came from the other bed, and when Chakotay looked over, Tom was on his feet, pulling his arm out of Harry's hold. "Corella?"

"Yes, Mr Paris. Ensign Azar is dead. She died when I broke the telepathic hold she had over you." He glanced at the Captain and added in a low voice. "I was not aware that she might die. However, logically, her death is for the best."

The Captain glared at him. "I think you'd better explain exactly what happened."

Tuvok nodded. "Earlier this evening I went to see Mr Paris, as you know. I must apologize, Captain, for I then broke the direct order you gave me after the incident with Mr Suder. I initiated a mindmeld with the Lieutenant."

The Captain exhaled a harsh breath. "I'll deal with that later. Continue."

"During the mindmeld, I encountered an area of Mr Paris' mind, isolated from the rest."

"The fog?"

Tuvok turned to Tom and nodded. "You are correct, Lieutenant. I entered the fog. What I encountered there intrigued me greatly. I sensed another presence in the Lieutenant's mind. A telepathic link unlike any other I had ever encountered. This link defended itself, shielding itself from my probing. When I withdrew from the mindmeld, I knew that someone was influencing your actions, but I had no idea who that person was."

"However, I realized the person had to have telepathic abilities. Amongst Voyager's crew the only telepathic species are the Vulcans, Ensign Jurot who is Betazoid, and Ensign Azar, a Vendaran. As Ensign Azar was already involved in the case, I focused my investigation on her."

Tom interrupted again. "But Corella's telepathic abilities were always minimal."

Tuvok frowned. "I was aware of that Mr Paris. However, that information came from the Ensign herself. Vendarans are as dedicated to the truth as Vulcans. As there are Vulcans who do lie, however, I concluded that the same must be true of Vendarans. I accessed the cultural database and researched the Vendaran section thoroughly. What I found there disturbed me greatly. Hundreds of years ago, on Vendar, a cult came into existence and achieved great power. This was a very ritualised cult, and one of their rituals was the practice of telepathic control and sacrifice of a victim. During the cult's rule of Vendar, there was great bloodshed involving this ritual. Eventually, the populace rose up against the cult, and there was a long civil war. Finally, the cult was overpowered and disbanded, and their rituals became banned practices, still to this day, punishable by death. Generally, it was believed that the cult was completely stamped out. However, I discovered in some restricted documents, that some small sects of the cult had survived. I concluded that Ensign Azar must be a member of one of those sects."

As Tuvok spoke, Tom's eyes had been growing wider with undisguised horror. "This is incredible. You mean all that stuff in my head, about Chakotay being my Prey, that was really her? Chakotay was actually _her_ Prey?"

Tuvok gazed at him for a moment and then shook his head. "No, Lieutenant. Commander Chakotay was never her Prey. You were."

Tom gasped. "Me? Why me?"

"You rejected her. Ensign Azar was obsessed with you, Mr Paris. When you rejected her, she used the ritual to punish you. She sensed your feelings for Commander Chakotay, and used them to manipulate your mind. She intended that you would kill the person you loved, and then be left alive to face the consequences, the worst punishment she could think of."

Everyone in the room could hear the distaste in Tuvok's voice. There was a moment of silence as they digested his words. Chakotay felt like his head was stuffed with cotton wool; he was stunned into silence. He looked over at Tom, and saw that the pilot was once again frowning at Tuvok.

"Why did I...?" Tom's voice was soft and hesitant. "What was the sexual assault about then?"

Tuvok's voice was gentle when he replied. "It was an opportunity she took to act on her obsession. You will eventually remember what happened, Mr. Paris. You didn't rape Ensign Azar, she raped you." Tom was shaking his head in disbelief. "She controlled your mind, that made it easy for her to control your body and your responses."

"I have a question." It was the Doctor's brisk voice. "Why didn't the scans I performed on Mr Paris show this telepathic influence?"

"It seems that the Vendarans who have become involved with these cults have highly developed skills. They actually far surpass Vulcans in some areas. One of these is the ability to disguise their presence. That is why, during the mindmeld, I was unable to ascertain who the invader was. I would assume this ability would have influenced your scans."

During this exchange, Chakotay had not taken his eyes from Tom. The young man was leaning against the biobed, his eyes transfixed to the floor. Chakotay desperately wanted to go over to Tom, take him in his arms, but he had never seen Tom appear so self-contained and distant. He knew at this moment, if anyone tried to approach Tom, they would probably regret it. Then he thought of something and looked at Tuvok.

"Tuvok, why did she call me in here, and tell me that Tom loved me?" He felt Tom's eyes burning into him, and then just as quickly, they were gone.

"I imagine, for enjoyment, Commander. Manipulating you would make Mr Paris attacking you all the more rewarding for her."

Chakotay winced, as Tuvok turned back to Tom.

"Lieutenant, there is still something I am unclear on. I searched your quarters thoroughly, yet you still had the knife. Where was it hidden?"

Tom looked up at the Vulcan. "In the replicator," he answered absently. "I used an encrypted file, and created an isolated database in the replicator unit in my quarters."

"Ah."

"Tuvok." They all turned to face the Captain. Her voice was harsh and her eyes were narrowed at Tuvok suspiciously. "Tom was confined to his quarters under a high level security lockout. There were also two guards posted at his door. Would you care to explain to me how the hell he got out of that and ended up in Chakotay's quarters?"

Tuvok's eyes flashed to Harry who shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, Captain. After my research, I had definite suspicions but no actual proof, and no means of obtaining any evidence to support my belief. As the situation required swift action, before the crew became fully aware of what had occurred, I decided that the best course of action was to lay a trap."

He eyed the Captain carefully, realizing that her anger was building to a critical point. "And why didn't you inform me of that decision?" Her voice was low and menacing.

"I concluded that, as I was in charge of the investigation, the decision was mine to make."

Chakotay winced again, at the Vulcan's bland reply. Sometimes, Tuvok's logic amazed him. He watched the Captain as her face turned a brilliant red and her eyes flashed bolts of pure anger. She took a deep breath and visibly regained control. "That was quite a conclusion to reach. I can see we have a lot to discuss later. Continue."

"I removed the lockout and dismissed the guards. Then I enlisted the aid of Ensign Kim." Harry fidgeted nervously as the Captain's eyes raked over him. "Ensign Kim informed me when Mr Paris entered the Commander's quarters. I then went to Ensign Azar's quarters and found her in a deep trance. I initiated a mindmeld. I'm afraid it took me longer to break her hold on the Lieutenant than I anticipated." Chakotay was surprised to see that the gaze Tuvok directed at him was actually apologetic. "When the hold was broken and I ceased the meld, the Ensign was dead. I proceeded to the Commander's quarters and Ensign Kim and I entered and found the Lieutenant unconscious and the Commander suffering from loss of blood."

By this time the Captain was furiously pacing sickbay. "Were you OUT OF YOUR MIND? You could have gotten them both killed, as well as the danger to yourself. That was one hell of a risk you took, Mister." She was now standing in front of Tuvok and her finger stabbed into his chest.

"In the circumstances, I believed the risk was acceptable."

The Captain stared up at her Security Chief in stunned disbelief, and Chakotay felt it time to intervene. He slipped off the biobed and went to her side.

"Captain, perhaps Tuvok was out of line, but I for one, am grateful to him."

Captain Janeway glared at Chakotay and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could begin her tirade they were distracted by a strangled moan from Tom. They turned in one synchronized movement.

Tom was on the floor, sobbing, and Harry was kneeling beside him desperately attempting to soothe the shaking young man. In two steps, Chakotay was at Tom's side trying to hold the struggling man in his arms. He glanced around at the others. "Could you give us a minute alone?"

The Captain nodded and started to move away, but halted when she saw Tom shove hard at Chakotay and scramble to his feet.

"No!" he gasped. "If I'm finished here, I want to go back to my quarters."

Chakotay swiftly got to his feet and reached out a hand to Tom. "We have to talk, Tom."

Tom shook his head and gripped Harry's arm. "I can't talk about this now." Chakotay tried to meet the pilot's distressed eyes but Tom turned his face away and asked the Doctor, "Can I go?"

"I have no reason to keep you here," the Doctor replied.

Tom glanced questioningly at the Captain, who looked from him to Chakotay, and back again. Eventually, she nodded.

"Come on, Harry."

Tom tightened his grasp on Harry's arm and dragged him out of the doors of sickbay, not once looking back at Chakotay, who continued to stare after Tom in concerned dismay.


	13. Chapter 13

Chakotay caught up with Tom and Harry at the turbolift. It had taken him about five seconds to decide that letting Tom run away now would be the greatest mistake he could ever make in his life, so he'd left the Captain, her mouth hanging open, standing in sickbay with Tuvok. The Vulcan would just have to face her wrath alone.

Tom still would not meet his eyes, but once they entered the lift, Harry directed a relieved look at Chakotay. It seemed that, this time, his actions had pleased Harry, though this was the furthest concern on Chakotay's mind.

Not a word was spoken until they were out of the lift and standing at Tom's door. Then, Tom took a deep breath and finally turned to face Chakotay. He had regained control of himself, but Chakotay could see the remnants of tears and dark shadows of exhaustion around his eyes.

"Please don't follow me like this, Chakotay. I just can't face you at the moment."

Chakotay gazed at Tom intently. The raw honesty of Tom's words hurt him, even though he could understand Tom's need to hide and lick his wounds. In the same situation, he would probably want to do the same thing himself, but he also knew that if he let Tom face this alone, the further damage done to their relationship would be practically irreparable. Chakotay couldn't let that happen; he needed Tom in his life too much, not to force the issue now.

"Tom, you may not be able to face me, but I _can't_ leave you alone now. If I do that, Azar wins. I love you too much to let that happen."

Tom said nothing; he just stood facing Chakotay and, after a moment, his eyes finally met the Commander's. They gazed at each other for a long minute and Chakotay could see the fear and indecision in the blue eyes he loved.

In the end, it was Harry who spoke. "Tom," he reached out a hand and laid it on Tom's arm, startling the other man back into reality. "I'm going to go back and face the music with Tuvok. You are going into your quarters with Chakotay, and you're going to talk to him. Okay?"

Tom simply nodded and turned to key the code into the pad beside his door. Chakotay smiled gratefully at Harry, who leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Consider that my apology for having a go at you earlier." Chakotay nodded and then followed Tom into his quarters.

Once inside, Tom sat down on his couch and wilted visibly. Chakotay sat down beside him and reached for his hand, but Tom shifted farther down the couch away from Chakotay.

"Tom?" Chakotay's voice was low and gentle. "Are you angry with me?"

Tom stared at the floor for a moment, and then barely shook his head. "No, not angry. I'm not sure how I feel. One minute I'd accepted it was over, the next I'm in your quarters..." Chakotay noticed Tom pale considerably and restrained himself from reaching for the other man again. "And now, here you are."

Chakotay knew he had to tread carefully. Tom had been through a hell of lot in a very short time, and half of it he hadn't had time to digest. The worst of it was, Tom had faced the situation alone, and Chakotay knew it would be a long time before he forgave himself for that. He couldn't expect Tom's instant forgiveness, but he wanted Tom to know that Chakotay himself hadn't accepted it was over.

"I asked to see you earlier, Tom. Do you know why?" The only response he got was another shake of the head. "I'd realized that, as bad as things appeared to be, I trusted you. I knew you couldn't really want to hurt me. I wanted to see you to tell you that. After you refused to see me, I wasn't going to give up, believe me."

Tom was facing him now, and Chakotay could see tears forming in his eyes again. "Don't," Tom gasped out. "I meant it when I said I couldn't talk about this now. I'm too confused. I can't get it straight in my head. Corella was one of my best friends, now I find out she was playing with my mind, forcing me to stalk you. My god," Chakotay saw his face completely drain of color. "I almost killed you."

"Tom," Chakotay began but Tom ignored him.

"I can't remember anything properly, everything's a jumble in my mind." Tom's voice was rising and he was gripping his head in his hands. Chakotay sensed that hysteria was imminent, and placed a firm hand on Tom's shoulder.

"Tom, you're exhausted. Everything will be clearer once you've rested. I think you should try to sleep." Tom had stopped shaking and was now gazing at Chakotay. He seemed calmer, and Chakotay continued, "All I ask, is that you don't shut me out. We need to face this together. Let me stay with you, while you rest."

He gripped Tom's hand and led him, unresisting, to the bedroom. As he gently pushed Tom onto the bed, Chakotay noted the heavy, drooping eyes and realized how completely exhausted the other man truly was.

Tom lay back against the pillows and Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed. "Please let me stay," he whispered and gently ran a hand through Tom's hair and then along his cheek. "I'm so sorry I wasn't with you before, but I won't ever leave you again. I love you, Tom."

Chakotay watched the tired, tense face before him, with a level of nervous trepidation he'd never felt before. He knew that he loved Tom, but he was unprepared for the emotions that nearly losing the pilot had caused in him. If Tom rejected him now, Chakotay wasn't sure how he would handle it. When Tom closed his eyes and pressed his face against Chakotay's hand, the relief he felt was overwhelming. Then Chakotay heard the words he had been dying to hear ever since he'd entered Tom's quarters.

"Hold me." It was barely audible, a mere sighing whisper, but to Chakotay it was like a roar in his head. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes, and his heart hammered in his chest, as he lay down behind Tom on the bed and gathered him into his arms.

Tom sighed deeply and was then asleep.

* * *

Chakotay did not sleep. His own tiredness was not at a level that allowed his mind to shut down. Thoughts whirled around his brain, emotion swirled in his chest, and he struggled to make sense of everything before Tom woke, and the ' _fun_ ' really began.

He knew he had his own nightmares to face. Visions of Tom, standing over him with that knife, rose before his eyes, and he shivered as he felt his pulse speed up. He knew now, that Tom had been sort of possessed, but it had not seemed like that at the time. Even though his actions had been totally alien, Tom had seemed like... Tom.

Chakotay sighed. He needed to meditate, and gods knew when he would get the chance. One thing he was sure of, he'd have to be very careful not to let his own confusion impinge on Tom's. If he hurt Tom again now, he would never forgive himself.

Leaning up on one elbow, Chakotay looked down at the face of the man sleeping beside him. The strain Tom was feeling was still evident even as he slept. Chakotay leaned down and softly pressed his lips to the side of Tom's neck, and his heart swelled with the longing to erase that strain.

He guessed it would be a long time before he could accomplish that task. Tom had so many emotions regarding this situation to work through. He had been violated in so many ways, mentally, emotionally, and physically. How would he ever trust anyone again? Including Chakotay.

At that moment, the door chimed and Chakotay swiftly got up and entered the main room, closing the bedroom door behind him. He didn't want Tom to be disturbed; Tom needed to sleep until he woke naturally.

"Come," he said softly and the door swished open and the Captain strode warily into the room.

Chakotay could still see the remnants of her previous anger, and he cringed at the thought of the tongue-lashing Tuvok must have endured. Her eyes swiftly searched the room, and then finally rested on Chakotay.

"How is Tom?" Her voice was gentle and concerned and as he watched, Chakotay saw the last of her anger drain away.

He walked over to the couch and sat down, and the Captain followed, taking the seat opposite him. "He's asleep. He was absolutely exhausted. We haven't really talked about anything yet, but at least he let me stay."

The Captain's eyes narrowed as she eyed him carefully. "And how are you? Don't forget you've gone through quite an ordeal as well."

Chakotay sighed. "I know that, but at least I know exactly what that ordeal was. I'll be fine."

"I don't want you to dismiss this, Chakotay. Tom's going to need to talk to someone, not so closely involved and I think you should as well. I want you both to see Tuvok, separately." Her eyes flashed again as she mentioned the Vulcan's name. "He'll have plenty of time. I've relieved him of duty for two days, and I want you and Tom to take whatever time you need as well."

"Are we officially relieved as well?" Chakotay could feel the tension coming off her in waves, and attempted to lighten the mood.

"If it has to be like that." Her tone was tight, and then she stood and paced quickly around the room.

"I'm so angry with him, Chakotay, for more reasons than just his defying my authority. He could've gotten you all killed. Even Harry." She laughed bitterly. "To think I was concerned about what Harry might do, I never even considered Tuvok. What on earth possessed him?"

Chakotay smiled. "I gather he sensed your worry over the situation, and decided to get you out of it."

The Captain returned to her seat, and leaned forward resting her chin in her hands. "That's basically what he told me." She smiled ruefully into Chakotay's eyes. "The most annoying thing is, that I actually feel some small relief that he succeeded." She straightened up again, and her eyes flashed once more. "He'll still have to face the consequences though. I've relieved him of duty; I want him to think about what he's done. I'm also putting a formal reprimand on his permanent record." She sighed. "Not that it means much out here."

"It will mean something to him, though. He hates letting you down." Chakotay paused for a moment, and then asked, "What about Harry?"

"He's getting a formal reprimand also. I didn't relieve him; he was basically following Tuvok's orders." She grinned at Chakotay. "Besides, with half my senior staff missing, I need him on the bridge." She frowned. "I sent him to see Pablo Baytart. He's a victim in this as well."

Chakotay grimaced. "Darn, I'd forgotten about him. I hope he'll be okay."

"I'm on my way to check on him. I just wanted to see how you and Tom were doing."

"I won't really know that, until Tom wakes up." Chakotay shook his head. "You know, I still can't believe what's happened. All these years, she seemed perfectly normal, and she must have been completely insane the whole time. Why didn't any of us see it?"

Captain Janeway frowned. "I don't know that she was _completely_ insane. Obviously she had a great telepathic power, and that made her feel superior to everyone else. Once she focused on Tom, I suppose she felt that nothing should stand in her way, including Tom himself."

"But what about the fixation with blood?" Chakotay swallowed heavily as his stomach churned. "I mean, all that drinking it."

"Tuvok explained some of the cult's practices to me. Apparently there was quite an emphasis on blood rituals. The sharing and drinking of blood, was one of their rites of sacrifice." The Captain pulled a face of distaste. "No wonder there was a long war on Vendar, to overthrow the cult." She stood up and headed to the door. "I'd better go. I've still got to figure out exactly what to tell the crew about this whole thing."

Chakotay nodded and stood up. "Thanks for dropping by."

After she was gone, Chakotay returned to the bedroom, and checked on Tom. The young man was still sleeping, the lines of tension plainly visible on his face. Chakotay carefully climbed onto the bed and spooned up behind Tom, once more taking him in his arms. Tom stiffened for a moment, but then he sighed and relaxed against Chakotay's chest.

Chakotay pressed his lips against the back of Tom's neck, and inhaled the scent of his lover, the scent that he now realized he had missed so much in the last two days. _God, has it only been two days_ , he thought. _That must be the longest two days of my life. It seems like a month._

Chakotay snuggled closer to Tom, and then finally fell asleep himself.


	14. Chapter 14

Chakotay woke because someone was kissing him. He felt the soft brush of lips over his, and then the gentle caress as they travelled down his throat. He moaned softly, and the lips returned to his mouth and pressed firmly against it. When he parted his lips, he immediately felt the plunge of a hot tongue into his mouth, and he knew he must be in heaven. Then the lips were gone.

Once fully awake he opened his eyes, and discovered Tom hovering above him, gazing down at him, with a warm expression.

"You're awake," Chakotay stated stupidly.

Tom rubbed a leg against Chakotay's growing erection and smiled. "So are you."

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably and was mortified to feel himself blushing, as Tom's smile widened. "Tom..." he began, but got no further as Tom leaned down to kiss him again. He gently returned the kiss, but couldn't help feeling some concern. He suspected that Tom still wasn't ready to talk and that he was trying to distract the both of them with sex.

"What's wrong?"

Chakotay suddenly realized that Tom had stopped kissing him, and was again gazing down at him, this time with worried eyes. "Nothing." Chakotay assured him, and reached up to Tom, drawing him down again and fluttering soft kisses over his face. Perhaps Tom wasn't just trying to distract him. Maybe he also needed a practical demonstration of Chakotay's love, and Chakotay didn't want to hurt Tom by turning him down, even if they did need to talk. Chakotay knew that Tom would see it as just another rejection.

He tightened his arms around Tom's waist and pulled him closer, and then rolled them both over so that Tom was trapped beneath him. When Tom's lips found his again, Chakotay was ready and he devoured Tom's mouth with uncontrolled passion. Finally, gasping for breath, they parted and Chakotay saw his desire reflected in Tom's dilated eyes.

"I've missed that," Tom breathed, and a small tear escaped from the corner of his left eye.

Chakotay kissed the tear away. "I have too," he whispered. "Tom, I love you so much."

He moaned as he felt Tom's lips burn against his throat, and then there was hot breath against his ear and he heard an answering whisper. "Show me, Chakotay. Show me by fucking me so hard I forget what day it is."

Chakotay's heart raced at the heat in those words, and God help him, talking could definitely wait. Tom wanted to be fucked, and Tom was going to get exactly what he wanted. He sat up and pulled at Tom's clothes, and smiled when he realized that Tom's hands were working just as feverishly as his own.

When they were both finally naked, Chakotay once more pressed Tom into the bed. Tom groaned and writhed sensuously underneath him, obviously revelling in the sensation of hot skin sliding against his own. His thigh pressed up firmly between Chakotay's legs, creating just enough friction to drive Chakotay into further passion.

Then they were kissing again, and for a while, everything else was forgotten as they savoured each other's mouths. The kisses were deep and luxurious and Chakotay found himself wishing that his tongue could live in Tom's mouth permanently, it felt so much better there than in his own.

Desire grew until it was white hot, and Chakotay's entire universe now seemed to be Tom's lips on his, Tom's hands holding his head, Tom's erection pressing against his hip and his own hard cock aching to be embedded in Tom's ass. Serious thoughts of lube now began to intrude into Chakotay's mind.

It seemed that Tom's thoughts had reached that point ahead of him because suddenly Chakotay felt a tube pressing into his hand. He stopped kissing Tom, and knelt between his lover's legs. As he unscrewed the cap from the tube, Chakotay searched Tom's face for any signs of doubt or reluctance, but Tom merely smiled dreamily into his eyes, and panted through slightly parted lips. When Chakotay reached down into Tom's crack with his slick fingers, Tom bent his knees to allow Chakotay better access.

As Chakotay pushed one finger into Tom, he heard the other man gasp, "Oh yes." Again he searched Tom's face, and the desire and need he saw there thrilled him. When he pushed in a second finger, Tom moaned and writhed sinuously on the bed, pushing against Chakotay's hand.

Chakotay dropped a kiss on Tom's upraised knee, and continued to watch Tom's face in fascination, while he moved his fingers inside the gorgeous man's ass. The blue eyes glittered at him, and Chakotay froze for a moment in painful memory, but then Tom moaned his name, and Chakotay felt a strong surge of hot lust flame through his body. His cock was twitching painfully now, and Chakotay used his other hand to coat it with lube, closing his eyes at the sensation, and trying to think of anything else except how close he was to coming.

When he felt calmer, he opened his eyes and positioned himself between Tom's legs. Tom was raising himself off the bed in eagerness to meet him and Chakotay quickly grabbed a pillow and shoved it underneath Tom's butt. Then he leaned forward, resting a hand on either side of Tom's waist and pushed slowly into his lover.

Tom's heated gaze burned into Chakotay's eyes as he slid into the delicious body. Tom was gasping for breath, and his arms were wrapped around Chakotay's waist trying to pull him in even deeper. Chakotay lay for a moment, enjoying the feel of his balls resting against Tom's ass. Then he pressed his mouth against Tom's slightly parted lips, and pushed his hips hard against Tom, relishing the groan that Tom expelled into his mouth. He briefly thrust his tongue into Tom's mouth, and moaned when Tom's tongue eagerly pushed against his.

Chakotay could no longer contain himself, and Tom's words breathed into his ear, encouraged him not to. He pulled back and then thrust back into Tom, as hard as he could. Chakotay rose up onto his elbows for a better angle, and continued to rock against Tom, as the younger man rolled his head on the pillow in ecstasy. Chakotay felt like he was looking down on the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Tom's skin was delicately flushed, his hair rested in damp little strands on his forehead, his eyes were closed, and he was panting through slightly parted lips.

Then the eyes opened, and Chakotay could see how wildly dilated they were with passion. The sight fueled his own desire, and he maneuvered himself so that he was kneeling over Tom with the other man's legs over his shoulders. He pounded into Tom with fevered abandonment, and he knew the groans he now heard came from his own lips.

He could feel Tom's hands gripping his arms, and his moans had taken on a pleading note. He looked down and saw the weeping proof of Tom's need and immediately reached down to take it in a firm grasp. In only a few rough strokes, Tom was spurting over his hand, and arching his back in rapture.

"Oh Gods, Chakotay," he breathed, as Chakotay continued to plunge into his body. The thrusts became harder and less rhythmic and then Chakotay flung back his head and tensed at the delicious agony of his own orgasm. After the tremors passed, he rested his head on Tom's chest and closed his eyes, listening to the pounding of the other man's heart. He felt Tom's fingers drifting lazily over his back and smiled against the furred chest. It felt so good to be back where he belonged.

"So, what day is this?" the whisper was full of mirth, and Chakotay felt laughter burbling in his chest and then erupting from his lips. Love swelled in his heart, and he raised himself to look down at Tom and knew that his love was shining from his eyes straight into the heart of his lover.

Tom's laughter stilled as he gazed back into Chakotay's twinkling eyes, and he felt tears welling yet again. He shook his head in frustration; he couldn't believe the way his emotions were just so all over the place. He felt completely raw, like he had no control whatsoever, and the feeling scared him. When he met Chakotay's warm brown eyes again, he could see the concern in their depths.

A gentle hand brushed his cheek. "Tom, what is it, love?"

"Nothing," Tom struggled against Chakotay's heavy weight. "Sorry, I really need to get up."

Chakotay moved swiftly, and sat on the bed beside Tom. "There _was_ something, Tom. Tell me, please."

Tom got off the bed and headed into the bathroom. He came back with a towel and handed it to Chakotay. "Here."

Chakotay took the towel, but continued to sit and stare up at Tom expectantly. When Tom saw this, he sighed and sat down beside the Commander. "It was just the way you looked at me. So much love and trust. Then I remembered how you looked when I was in the brig, and then the fear I saw in your eyes when I was in your quarters..." Tom's voice choked, and he couldn't continue.

"Tom," Chakotay reached across and dragged Tom into his arms. The young man rested against his chest and burrowed his face into Chakotay's neck, trying to control his tears. "Nothing can erase those images; we both know that. All we can do is outnumber them with better ones. I do love you, and I do trust you, and I promise you that from now on when you look at me, that's what you'll see."

He felt Tom sigh against his throat. "It's starting to sink in now, you know. When I woke up, I could remember more. God, I can't describe to you how I felt when I found your medicine bundle in my closet. At first, I thought the stalker had put it there, then these images flashed into my mind," his voice sank to a whisper. "I was so scared, I didn't know what to do."

Chakotay tightened his arms around Tom, and even though the words he was hearing were painful, he felt a strong sense of relief. At last his lover was talking, and now they could go forward from the hell of the last couple of days.

"I needed to talk to someone. Harry and B'Elanna were on that asteroid, and I just couldn't go to you," Tom continued, unconsciously answering Chakotay's unasked question. "I don't know why that was, I wanted to, but I was just so scared. You had gone through so much already, and I was afraid that it was actually me, who'd done all those things to you." He lifted his head, and gazed up into Chakotay's eyes. "I know how hard it was for you to let someone into your life. I know how often you'd been hurt in the past. My God, you'd just asked me to move in with you, how could I tell you that it was me who had been stalking you."

Chakotay dropped a kiss onto Tom's forehead. He had a thousand things he wanted to say, but he didn't want to interrupt. Tom needed to get everything out, say everything he needed to say. He watched Tom's face and tightened his arms again when he saw the blue eyes cloud over in pain. Then Tom lowered his face and rested it against Chakotay's neck again.

"Corella was always my friend. She'd helped me so many times; I knew she would help me again. I went to her quarters," Chakotay felt Tom stiffen in his arms, and there was a long minute of silence. "I remember now. She was so comforting at first, but then she seemed worried, not just about me, but something else. She asked me all about the visions, and she seemed angry."

Tom was shaking now, and Chakotay ran a hand down his back, trying to soothe. "I felt her... slithering into my mind, and then she was making me..." Tom pulled out of Chakotay's arms, and Chakotay could see that his eyes were wide with horror. "I called for you, but you didn't come."

Chakotay's heart clenched and he felt furious anger rising in his gut. He struggled to contain himself, and reached out a hand to take Tom's. "I'm here now, Tom."

It seemed that Tom didn't hear him. He continued to gaze at the wall with unseeing eyes, and Chakotay knew that he was reliving that terrible experience in Corella's quarters. He tightened his grip on Tom's hand. "Tom... Tom."

Suddenly Tom yanked his hand from Chakotay's and rose to his feet. Before Chakotay could even get to his own feet, Tom had disappeared into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Chakotay strode over to the door and knocked, getting no answer. When he tried to open it, he discovered the door was locked.

"Tom! Tom let me in." Chakotay knocked on the door again.

He rested his ear against the door, and heard nothing. After calling a few more times, he stood back and gazed at the door in consternation. It looked like he needed help.

Chakotay grabbed a robe, found his combadge on the floor, and commed for the Doctor.


	15. Chapter 15

"So what happened? Why did he lock himself in the bathroom?"

The Doctor had scanned through the door, and found that Tom's signs were stable. He just wasn't answering any of their calls.

"He was talking to me about everything that had happened," Chakotay answered. "He's started to remember more. He'd gotten up to the assault in Azar's quarters, when he just blanked out and then locked himself in the bathroom."

The Doctor eyed Chakotay's robe and then waved the tricorder in his direction. Chakotay took a quick step back, and fell onto the edge of the bed.

"Commander!" The Doctor's voice was scandalized. "Lieutenant Paris has suffered a severe emotional trauma. Indulging in immediate sexual activity is not the usual prescribed method for treating a rape victim. I would have thought, that with your counseling experience, you would have shown more restraint!"

Chakotay rose to his feet and advanced on the Doctor. He knew his face must be scarlet, he could feel it burning. "Look, you ...," he took a deep breath, as the Doctor retreated into the main room. "It wasn't like that." He gritted his teeth. "I am _not_ going to explain this to you."

"Really?" the Doctor smugly replied. "Perhaps you'd prefer to explain to the Captain, then."

Chakotay took another deep breath, and counted to ten. "Look, Tom instigated it okay? It was his way of releasing enough tension to talk. Now, how do you suggest we get him out of the bathroom?"

The Doctor wisely decided to drop the subject, and looked again at his tricorder. "Well, physically he's fine, so I'm assuming the problem is emotional." Chakotay nodded his head briskly. "Under these circumstances, I'd advise talking to the counselor," he eyed Chakotay once more. "Obviously that's not working, so my next suggestion would be Lieutenant Tuvok."

"He's confined to quarters, so I'll have to comm the Captain," Chakotay sighed deeply. "I would have preferred not to end up with half the ship here."

* * *

While they waited for the Captain and Tuvok, Chakotay got dressed. After that, he tried the bathroom door again, but there was still no response from Tom.

Finally the door chimed and the Captain and Tuvok walked into the room. The Captain looked drawn and tired, but she immediately came over to Chakotay and gripped his arm.

"What happened?"

"Tom started to remember the assault, and then he locked himself in the bathroom," Chakotay briefly informed her. Then he looked at Tuvok. "We thought it best if you were the one to override the lock, and go in and talk to him."

Tuvok nodded and followed Chakotay into the bedroom, while the Captain and the Doctor remained in the main area. Chakotay found Tom's robe and handed it to Tuvok.

"Um... he's not wearing anything," Chakotay averted his eyes from Tuvok's raised eyebrow, and felt himself flush with embarrassment. "He'll probably want to put this on, before he comes out."

"Very well, Commander." Tuvok took the robe and walked up to the bathroom door, quickly overriding the lock. Chakotay caught a brief glimpse of Tom sitting on the floor of the bathroom before the door closed again.

When Chakotay went back to the main area, the Doctor was gone and the Captain was taking two steaming cups from the replicator. She shepherded Chakotay to the couch and handed him a cup. "I got us some tea. I sent the Doctor to see Ensign Baytart. Before he left he asked me to apologize to you on his behalf." She glanced at him curiously. "What was that about?"

Chakotay grimaced. "Never mind. But I've got to tell you; you almost lost the Doctor tonight. I'm still considering corrupting his program."

Her eyes twinkled, and then she grew serious again. "How are you? Obviously things have turned quite dramatic since I was last here."

Chakotay felt himself flushing yet again and deliberately changed the subject. "I'm fine. But you've sent the Doctor to Baytart. How is he? Is Harry still with him?"

She took another sip of tea and nodded her head. "Yes, B'Elanna's there as well, now that she's calmed down. I don't think Harry is going to be too happy about the state of his quarters. That's where she was when I told her what had happened," she answered Chakotay's questioning look. "You know, I feel so bad for Pablo. He really loved Ensign Azar, you know. He was about to ask her to marry him, he'd even saved his rations and replicated a ring." She passed a hand across her face. "He showed it to me."

Chakotay exhaled a hissing breath. "She sure did a lot of damage."

"Yes," the Captain sighed, and then lapsed into silence.

They finished their tea, without talking. The Captain was tired, and obviously worrying about what she would tell the crew the next day, and Chakotay's mind was full of Tom and what could be happening in the bathroom.

Eventually the Captain left, and Chakotay lay down on the couch and continued to worry about Tom.

* * *

Chakotay realized he must have fallen asleep again, when he felt someone shaking his shoulder and opened his eyes to meet the gaze of Tuvok. As Chakotay swung his legs to the floor and attempted to rise, Tuvok retained his grip on his shoulder and held him in place and then took the seat beside him. Chakotay stared at the Vulcan in surprise.

"Where's Tom?" he demanded.

"He's in the bedroom." Tuvok replied, and Chakotay was stunned to hear the weariness in his voice. He peered closely at Tuvok's face and noted the lines of strain around the Vulcan's eyes. Then he remembered everything Tuvok had done that day, and realized that he'd obviously reached his limit.

"Is he okay?"

"I think so, Commander. The rapid restoration of the Lieutenant's memories of the assault conflicted with the images Ensign Azar had planted in his mind, and he was unable to process what had happened. I initiated a mindmeld and guided him through his memories until he was able to accept the conflict."

Chakotay stared at him in consternation. "Umm... Tuvok, did the Captain know that you might do that?"

"The Captain told me to use any means necessary to assist Mr Paris. I believe she realized that a mindmeld might be included in those means."

"Fine. So is Tom all right now?"

"Obviously he still has some negative emotions to deal with, but I believe that he is now ready to do so. However, he was also distressed that he had pushed you away, though I was able to help him to see the reasons why he did. He is waiting to talk to you about this, Commander."

Chakotay immediately got to his feet. "Thank you, Tuvok. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your help." He walked Tuvok over to the door and opened it for him. "I really think you should get some rest now."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and his voice was dryer than usual when he responded. "Thank you, Commander. I will take your advice."

* * *

When Chakotay entered the bedroom, Tom looked up and smiled at him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, wrapped in his robe, and he took Chakotay's hand when the Commander sat down beside him.

"How are you feeling?" Chakotay asked gently.

"Oh, much better. It was just all so confusing," he frowned slightly at Chakotay. "I'm sorry I ran from you like that, but there was a reason, and I have to talk to you about it."

Chakotay's heart rate sped up. "Ok."

Tom continued to gaze at him, still with a slight frown on his features. "I hadn't really realized it, but the truth is, I _was_ angry with you Chakotay." He tightened his grip on Chakotay's hand when he saw the distress on the other man's face. "Look, I know that it wasn't really justified. You didn't know what was really happening, just as I didn't. I would have reacted the same way in your shoes." Tom paused for a moment and stared at their linked hands.

"But?" Chakotay breathed.

Tom looked at him again, and flashed a quick reassuring smile. "But, I did feel abandoned. And then everything happened so fast, and next thing, we were here in bed together. I know I initiated that," he added quickly. "But I didn't give myself enough time to realize exactly what I was feeling."

Again he saw the distress, and now guilt, on Chakotay's face and reached over to run a hand along the other man's cheek. "This is not your fault Chakotay, and we will get through it." He waited until Chakotay's eyes met his, and then continued, "We both need some time though... alone. I'm concerned that you've been through so much as well, and yet you've been here completely focused on me. You need time to deal with your emotions just as much as I do."

Chakotay sighed. It hurt, but he knew that Tom was right. "What do you want to do?"

Tom smiled gently. "I want you to go back to your quarters and get some rest. Think, meditate, whatever you want to do. I'll be fine here on my own, in fact I need this time." He looked around vaguely. "Actually... Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 0530 hours."

"Damn." Tom stared at Chakotay. "Please don't tell me we have a shift today."

Chakotay shook his head and laughed. "No, the Captain gave us some time off."

"Oh, in that case, how about you invite me to your quarters for dinner tonight?"

Chakotay leaned over and kissed the cheeky face before him. "Consider yourself invited."

* * *

When Chakotay got back to his quarters, he immediately sat down with his medicine bundle. It had been over a month since he had been able to use it, and the relief he felt when he opened it and saw its contents, was overwhelming.

This was a long vision quest; he had a lot to discuss with his spirit guide. The first thing that confused him was that his guide met him in the Academy boxing gymnasium, but eventually he realized that he had his own anger to fight with, and sat down beside her. The scene around them changed many times as they talked, and at one point Chakotay realized with shock, they were actually sitting in Voyager's brig. Eventually they wound up in the kitchen of Chakotay's childhood home, and when Chakotay felt the familiar sense of peace and contentment wash over him, he knew the quest was almost over.

He promised to visit his spirit guide again the next day, she was adamant about this, and then he opened his eyes to the dim light of his own quarters, and realized he was starving. God, he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten, and he stumbled over to the replicator and ordered a mushroom pizza with a salad, and a cup of tea.

As he ate, he wondered what he was going to do for the rest of the day. He checked the time and discovered it was 0930. He had been meditating for three and a half hours! He realized that alpha shift had started and wondered what the Captain had decided to tell the crew. The computer told him that she was in her ready room, so he commed her.

"Janeway here," she answered his hail. "I know exactly why you're comming me, Chakotay. I've ordered a general crew meeting at 1400 hours. You and Tom don't have to attend," she assured him.

"What are you going to say?" Chakotay asked.

She sighed. "I thought about that a lot, but I've made a final decision. We're in a unique situation out here, a situation that requires more openness than usual. There's already enough rumours flying around the ship as it is. So I've decided to tell them pretty much the whole story, but without some of the more graphic details. I imagine, there will be some distressing reactions, but I think it's for the best, and it will eventually blow over. That's an undeniable fact of life."

Chakotay had to agree. "I think you're right, but I think you should inform Tom of this before you make an announcement."

"Yes, I thought of that. I'm having lunch with him in his quarters at 1200 hours." Chakotay could hear the curiosity in her voice, and forestalled her next question.

"Everything's fine, Kathryn. We just needed some time apart, but we're having dinner together tonight and we're fine."

"Oh good. I'd better go. And Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to see Tuvok."

It was an order. Chakotay sighed. "No Captain, I won't forget. Chakotay out."

Knowing she'd check up on him later, Chakotay immediately commed Tuvok and made an appointment for the following day. Then he decided to take a bath.


	16. Chapter 16

The first thing Tom did after Chakotay left was to take a shower. Not a sonic one, but a real, steaming hot water one. He stood under the stream of water for many long minutes, enjoying the sensation of his muscles relaxing.

After his shower, he had something to eat. The last couple of days he'd had no appetite, but now he realized he was ravenous, and it was only after two ham and cheese croissants and a large mug of coffee that he felt satisfied.

Then he sat down to record his personal log. Before he had left, Tuvok had suggested that recording what had happened might help him to get it straight in his head, and recognize the emotions that had arisen regarding the incident. At first, Tom had thought the idea a waste of time, but now he felt the need to go through everything step by step. Perhaps then, he would find some measure of completion.

Earlier, his exhaustion had numbed him, but once he had processed the memories in the bathroom with Tuvok, a severe emotional reaction had set in. Tuvok had patiently ridden the waves with him, and Tom knew he had worn the Vulcan out. He was extremely grateful to Tuvok, and he was also grateful that Chakotay had not been there as well. Tom knew that Chakotay was still too fragile himself, to handle seeing Tom in such a state, even if the Commander did hide it well.

Towards the end of recording his personal log, the Captain commed to ask if she could visit him for lunch. He agreed for a time of 1200 hours, and went to get dressed and tidy up his quarters. Then he sat down to have a long think about Chakotay.

It hadn't quite sunk in that, after everything that had occurred, Chakotay apparently loved him and still wanted to be with him. Tom could now remember everything that had happened in Chakotay's quarters, particularly the terror in Chakotay's eyes. That terror had been directed at him, Tom, and the memory of that would stay with him for a long time. Tom knew he'd suffered from insecurity regarding his relationship with Chakotay. Now, it seemed, he had one more thing to be insecure about. Would Chakotay ever really trust him again?

At this moment his door chimed, and Tom realized with shock that it was 1200 hours. He opened the door and the Captain strode in.

"Tom, how are you?"

"Fine, Captain," Tom replied. He noticed the dark rings around her eyes and asked with concern, "How are you? You look tired."

"Thanks," she replied dryly. "You're right, though, I am tired. I was up all night, worrying over something. That's what I wanted to talk with you about. But how about we get some lunch first? I'm starving."

Tom got them some sandwiches and tea, and they sat down on the couch and began to eat. After a few moments, Captain Janeway gazed at Tom and then spoke.

"I heard about last night. I'm glad Tuvok was able to help."

Tom flushed slightly. "He was a great help, actually. I know I still have some work to do, but at least now I feel like the worst is over."

The Captain reached over and gripped his hand for a moment. "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear that, Tom. This whole thing, it's been such a nightmare, and I'm afraid it's not quite over yet." She noticed Tom's questioning look and continued, "The crew have to be told something. I'm sorry, but I think that they are going to have to be told the basic truth, otherwise there's going to be some wild speculation going on. What do you think?"

Tom thought for a moment and then returned her gaze. "I'm afraid you're right." He laughed. "No matter what, I always seem to be the main topic on the gossip mill."

Captain Janeway was delighted to hear his laugh, and her answering smile was radiant. "Oh there'll eventually be another topic to take your place, particularly now you're off the single list."

This time Tom's laugh was slightly forced, and the humour didn't reach his eyes. Captain Janeway noticed immediately, and gave Tom a quick glance of concern. She picked up her tea and took a sip, and, as she returned the mug to the table, she watched Tom staring in abstraction at the floor.

She cleared her throat. "Tom."

He looked up quickly. "Sorry, Captain. What did you say?"

"When I came in before, you looked sort of worried, and just now I noticed the same thing. Is there something else bothering you?" Tom frowned and didn't reply. The Captain wasn't going to give up however. "About Chakotay, maybe? You know I was talking to him before, and he's really looking forward to having dinner with you tonight."

This got a response. "He told you that?"

"Yes," she frowned. "Why would you doubt it?"

Suddenly Tom was up on his feet, pacing the room. "I don't know. I can't help it. He's done nothing but tell me how much he loves me, and I do believe him. Then I remember the way he looked when I cut him with that knife. I picture it over and over again, and then I can't imagine how he would ever trust me again. Then, at the same time, I wonder why he never trusted me in the first place, when he was supposed to love me then." He turned to look at her. "Did you know I was going to move in with him? I was packing my things when I found his medicine bundle."

Captain Janeway got up and came over to him, taking his arm and leading him back to the couch. "I didn't know that, Tom, but I'm not surprised. I could see how Chakotay felt about you. And I can see how much he feels now. The irony of this is, I know he's wondering how _you'll_ ever trust _him_ again. He feels that he let you down so badly, but I know that eventually he did want to be with you. That's why he asked me to ask you to see him."

"I know all that," Tom answered. "I can accept the way he reacted, and I trust him to be there for me in the future."

"Okay," said the Captain. "So why can't you accept that he trusts you? Are you afraid that at some time in the future you'll let him down?"

Tom frowned and shook his head. "No, I'd never let him down, if I could help it."

"Then you must see, that you didn't let him down now. You couldn't help what happened. Neither of you could; someone else was in control of the situation. So, there is no reason for Chakotay not to trust you. Believe me, he knows that." She gripped Tom's hand once more. "Tom, it's only natural that you should feel insecure now, but Chakotay loves you very much. Don't doubt that, and don't doubt yourself. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known."

Tom blinked back a couple of tears and squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Captain."

"No problem," she stood, still clasping his hand. "I'd better go." She grimaced. "I have a meeting to attend. Are you okay?"

Tom stood and walked her to the door. "Yeah, I feel a lot better. Thanks."

The door opened and with a nod she was gone.

* * *

Tom spent the rest of the afternoon looking forward to seeing Chakotay. Somehow, the talk with the Captain had reassured him, and he now felt the confidence he had felt early that morning when the Commander had left.

He grabbed a quick nap, and then took some time choosing what to wear. He smirked to himself, hoping he wouldn't be wearing the outfit for too long. He was definitely ready to see Chakotay again.

Just as he was leaving, Harry turned up at his door to see how he was, and ended up walking Tom to Chakotay's quarters. On the way they ran into a few crewmembers. Everyone seemed very subdued, but the smiles directed at Tom were reassuring and friendly, and Tom couldn't help feeling a strong sense of relief.

Harry left him at Chakotay's door, and Tom chimed. Immediately the door opened and he was hauled through the door into a bone-crushing embrace.

"I gather you're glad to see me," Tom gasped, struggling to get enough air to speak.

The grip around his ribcage loosened and he found himself gazing into Chakotay's dark eyes. "Can't you tell?"

"My ribs certainly can..." Tom began, but the lips covering his blocked his next words. _Who needed to talk anyway?_ Tom thought as he responded to Chakotay's demanding kiss. _And who needs to breathe?_ When Chakotay finally released him, Tom felt completely dazed.

"So, what would you like to eat?" Chakotay asked as he strode to the replicator.

"Huh?"

"You know. Food."

"Oh, very funny. I'm not that hungry actually, so I'll have a green salad and a piece of spinach pie." He paused for a moment and then added innocently. "That'll probably fill me up, so I hope you didn't have anything planned for dessert?"

Chakotay turned with the food plates in his hands, and smiled sweetly at Tom. "Oh, well I did, but if you're going to be full, I guess I'll just have to have it by myself."

Tom glared at him. "Don't you dare."

Chakotay laughed and held out a hand. "Come and eat."

After the heaviness of the last day, both of them enjoyed the light flirtatious talking they now indulged in while they ate. This was familiar to Tom, and gave him the secure feeling that his life was returning to normal, and he could see that Chakotay felt the same way.

When they had finished the meal, they cleaned up and then took their coffee over to the couch. For a while they sat in companionable silence, and then Chakotay turned to Tom, drawing him into his arms, and covering his lips with his own.

The kiss was tender and erotic at the same time, and Tom felt himself being drawn into it until all his focus was on the feel of Chakotay's tongue in his mouth, duelling with his own. Then he felt Chakotay's hand on his crotch, kneading the erection it found there, and he pulled his lips from Chakotay's and moaned against his throat.

"So, may I have my dessert now?" Chakotay whispered.

Tom snorted against his lover's neck. "Don't let me stop you."

Chakotay's hand was already undoing his trousers, pulling them away from Tom's straining erection. "Thanks," he breathed into Tom's ear, and then he was sliding down between Tom's legs, pushing them further apart.

Tom watched as Chakotay nuzzled his face into Tom's balls and then sucked one into his mouth. As Chakotay moved his attentions to the other one, Tom leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, anticipating the moment when Chakotay would take him into his mouth. When he felt a wet finger pushing inside him, he moaned and opened his legs wider.

Gods, the sensations were incredible, and finally Chakotay's tongue was swirling around the weeping head of his cock, and now sliding down the length of his shaft. This combined with the finger stroking his prostrate was rapidly pushing Tom over the edge. He opened his eyes and looked down to discover that Chakotay was watching him intently. The hot concentration of that gaze set butterflies off in Tom's stomach.

Then, as Tom watched, Chakotay took his cock into his mouth and sucked it hard into his throat. A loud groan erupted from Tom, and he couldn't take his eyes from Chakotay's. A couple of sucks more, and it was over. Tom exploded into Chakotay's mouth, and then enjoyed the sight of his own seed spilling from the Commander's mouth, as he tried to swallow rapidly.

Suddenly his head whirled and he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. He felt Chakotay climb back onto the couch and settle beside him, and a hand caressed his chest.

"Tom, are you all right?"

Tom smiled and turned his head towards his lover. "Oh yeah. That was just... intense, that's all."

He felt Chakotay's lips brushing his neck, and hummed contentedly. "Tom?"

This time Tom opened his eyes and met his lover's gaze. "Yeah?" he answered softly, still feeling dreamily dazed.

"Do you remember what you were doing when you found my medicine bundle?"

Tom sat up slightly. "Yeah," he answered. "I was looking for a bag to put my clothes in."

Chakotay smiled and nodded. "You were packing. And I was supposed to be there, helping you." He paused for a moment and Tom was surprised to realize that he looked shy. "Well, I was wondering if we could go and finish that packing now?"

Tom stared in shock at Chakotay and then felt his heart swell with adoration. It looked very much like his love had seduced him deliberately in order to ask him this question. Well, a devious Chakotay certainly had its benefits, he could now attest to that. Of course, he would have to pay him back later, but first there was the matter of his packing.

Tom leaned forward and plastered a passionate kiss on Chakotay's lips, and then gazed into his expectant eyes.

"Let's go."

 

THE END


End file.
